


Falling

by Pyreneese



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: But probably sad, Child Abuse, F/M, I guess technically child soldiers, L x oc - Freeform, Morally Ambiguous Character, Or bittersweet depending on reader, Original Character(s), Rough Sex, Sad, Smut, Torture, Tragic Romance, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-25 00:46:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22007176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pyreneese/pseuds/Pyreneese
Summary: "He watched her, cursing himself. Hating himself. How could he allow himself to be so vulnerable around her? Taoreta went against all logic. She was everything he admired and despised, all tightly packed into one confusing, chaotic person.She was his world, but he didn't want to admit it."As L goes through his life working as a detective, there's one woman he can never seem to catch. Or at least, one he doesn't want to. A prodigy actress, Taoreta has lived her entire life training under her own orphanage's banner. She's good... a quick, flexible fighter who's able to deceive and confuse the likes of even L. To the point where he can't tell fact from fiction or her true self against the weapon her people have been molding her into. And as things get more serious between both them and their duties, L will find himself questioning if she ever had a soul to begin with or if it was all just a part of her deceptions.
Relationships: L/OC
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	1. Friends

Axel Greshaw, founder of Greshaw's Home.

A mafia boss who felt threatened by the establishment of Wammy's. After all, the orphanage was trying to raise young genii to take down crime. Wammy had a way of pushing his orphans to help the world. After a while, they wanted to do it on their own, sometimes going behind Wammy's back or abandoning their own safety for what they felt was right. At that point, Wammy started getting worried, but his children almost never listened. They posed a threat to Greshaw's organizations, his criminal web... so he established his own orphanage as a response...

an Anti-Wammy's, if you will.

They got their genii however they could. Orphans, kidnapping, child trafficking. Then they'd turn them into the most effective weapons possible to fight against Wammy's beacons of justice... mentally and physically. Anywhere a Wammy's kid went, they faced possible assassination from an Axel's... it got to the point where Wammy had to cut-off his childrens' access to the world, but Axel didn't stop.

He despised those children, and everyone always suspected he had a personal grudge against Wammy. He stopped caring about the diminished threat the kids posed and simply wanted to hit Wammy where it hurt. Of course he also used his children for his dirty work as well, turning them into a terrifying underground army of crime. Once they'd reached adulthood, he'd send them out to form their own sects, but all under the Greshaw banner.

And Taoreta had lived there since she was an infant.

She didn't know if she was an orphan or kidnapped, or what. Just that the people molding her into a dangerous weapon were the closest thing she had to family. The only person there she trusted was her Thieving teacher, Wedy. Wedy had a way of teaching her students while also socializing them. Hell, sometimes she'd end class early just so they could all talk and hang out together. Of course she was careful about these times, and if Axel was watching, she wasn't afraid to use harsh discipline, although she refused to punch. Taoreta's other teachers didn't mind punching, but Wedy believed that was the step that went too far. Maybe because of this, Taoroeta adored her to pieces. A part of her felt the thief was like a sister. She'd open up and start jabbering on about whatever was on her mind.

Wedy watched her curiously, the ghost of a smile on her lips. Of course, she'd never _tell_ Taoreta she liked to listen to her rambles... but she did. The little girl was always so excited, always wanting to talk. Wedy herself was only 15 when Taoreta was 8, but she enjoyed having a little kid look up to her the way Taoreta did. The other kids realized pretty quickly that Taoreta was easily Wedy's favorite.

There was no one else Taoreta trusted. Loved? Yes. She adored everyone in her orphanage, down to the imposing and cold-eyed Axel. Without having ever known a father, she surmised that he was what they were all like. Even down to the moments where he'd slap a child for stepping out of line. That's what fathers did... wasn't it? Whatever. It's not like the old man ever talked to the children, unless there was something he needed or wanted to teach. She didn't want to admit it, but not having him around was fine by her. He never exactly took kindly to her talkative nature anyway.

She'd sleep among up to fifty pupils between the ages of one to eighteen. Apparently Axel had around 400 operatives in total working for him all around the globe in some way, shape, or form. Trust them? God, no. Not in a million years. Even at her age, Taoreta knew the dangers posed by talking to the wrong people about the wrong things. She'd learned that the hard way...

Word from the streets reached Greshaw's that Wammy's had just taken in possibly their most intelligent orphan yet. An 8 year old boy who already had a justice complex. Already, this kid had managed to solve a robbery in China involving millions of US dollars.

Axel practically drooled with the thought of having such a valuable asset. Taoreta was 8 as well, among the top of her class in both agility and intelligence... and as such, she was chosen to infiltrate the orphanage. With such a cute little face such as hers, Wammy was sure to take her in. She had to secure L any way she could. Preferably to earn his trust so he would be more reliant and obedient when he reached Greshaw's. But traps and lures weren't out of the question. If all else failed and they couldn't get the boy away from the safety of Wammy's... she was authorized to kill him.

She wasn't fed that night and the next day thrown on the London streets. Genuinely hungry and tired, she wandered for hours, trying to be noticed. Finally, police took her in, where she demonstrated her intellect and they called Wammy's to have Taoreta assessed.

Wammy wasn't anything like she expected. From what she'd been told, she honestly expected a monster. A great, horrid beast ready to rip her apart.

An elderly man with a kind face was the last thing she imagined. Even his voice was soft-spoken and gentle. She stared at him, almost positive this was some kind of trick. It had to be. No one had ever looked at her so kindly. Even Wedy always watched herself around her, being too nervous to show too much affection... He leaned down over her, inspecting her with a slight twinkle in his eyes.

"Hello. My name is Quillish Wammy, but you can call me Mr. Wammy."

Taoreta didn't say anything. She was too stunned. He gently dug around in his bag for a lollipop, holding it out. Taoreta wasn't about to take it. If this were Greshaw's, it'd probably be drugged and she'd wake up in a cell, punished for her foolishness. But she paused herself, looking up at his twinkling eyes. What if this was a test? He'd expect a child from Greshaw's to refuse. But, no. It was impossible to tell such a thing from a little test like this. Still. If she did refuse it, he might be much more watchful over her. She might not get to L as easily. 

Against her will, her screaming mind, she took it. Wammy seemed genuinely surprised, cocking his head and inspecting her. Hm. 

"I'm going to take you somewhere. Hopefully it won't be your permanent home, but until you find a loving family, I'll try to make it as homey as possible... is that okay with you?"

She shrugged, eyes darting, not saying a word. Her silence didn't seem to bother him as he smiled. He held out a hand and she slowly took it, marveling at how warm the gesture was. A limousine... Taoreta wrinkled her nose. The windows were tinted so darkly that she couldn't see the street names. This was probably to help keep the orphanage's location a secret. It made sense. Her people had already killed enough of Wammy's wards to warrant a full prison lockdown. But Taoreta bit down on her lollipop in frustration.

* * *

Well if that wasn't L, she'd have to quit her line of work.

He had wild, unkempt hair, large bug eyes with heavy bags that always seemed to follow. L was dressed in a white shirt much too large for him and baggy blue pants. While the other children interacted and played, he was curled up on a sofa, reading or typing something, those grey eyes impossibly wide. She was acutely aware of him staring at her from his seat, his little thumb rubbing his lip in interest. But every time she turned to meet his gaze, he quickly shifted it, throwing himself back into whatever he was doing.

Taoreta tilted her head, deciding to go for a more forward approach. She walked up to him, and his fingers paused on the keyboard. L looked at her quietly, burying himself into a crouch. 

"Hi! I'm T! Do you wanna be my friend?"

Nicknames. Such an extra precaution that made her realize how much of a genius Wammy was in his own right. He'd told her she could have any name she wanted, that most of the kids just went with a letter. So that's what she picked, not knowing what else to choose. 

L didn't reply at first. Taoreta chewed her lip nervously. Did she unintentionally push him away? He picked at a loose fingernail, his voice a low mumble.

"Hi."

She blinked, a smile crossing her lips. Taoreta couldn't explain why, but she actually did kind of want to be his friend. He looked weird, but cool. Definitely unique from all the other kids she'd ever gotten to know. L poked at his knee, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"There's an 85% chance someone put you up to this."

 _I mean... he's not wrong_... Taoreta didn't know how to react, so she just stayed quiet as his gaze flickered to the floor.

"No one would willingly be my friend."

Taoreta watched him, her heart tugging. She shot a glare towards the other kids. They were watching intently, seeing if she'd choose to be around the weird kid or not. Turning back to him, she grinned mischievously, her eyes glinting. A part of her didn't want to admit it, but she enjoyed sparking chaos. Her kind of chaos was always quiet, knowing just how far to push it before she got punished. L straightened, his mouth gaping. He scanned her face, mindfully nibbling on his thumb. She thought he'd make another comment, but he scurried past her, freaked out that someone actually wanted to spend time with him.

It became obvious he preferred to be stuck in his room on the computer all day. The only time he came out was for mealtime, and even then, he'd sit off to the side, sucking on a sweet. Taoreta watched from her corner in interest... and then their eyes met. She shot him the warmest smile she could muster. He yelped, almost falling off his chair. L cleared his throat, moving with his sweet back to the solitude of his room. She sighed, picking at her food. 

To her shock, she felt a small presence behind her. He blinked, staring at her intently. The corners of his lips were tugged up sheepishly. 

Wordlessly, he held out a small plate with a slice of cake. Warnings flashed through her mind. Taoreta was about to refuse it, but her eyes met his. They seemed so nervous, like she might bite his head off at any minute. A small smile crossed her lips as she took the cake from his hand. It did look good...

"Hey!" A voice squeaked.

Taoreta started, glancing to see 4 year old B staring at her. 

"L likes you!" He beamed, "L and T! Sittin' in a tree!"

The kids around him snickered. L's face went a deep scarlet. His pupils flicked in her direction.

"Sorry about the cake."

The ca--?

He jammed his hand into the plate. Grabbing a handful, he threw it at B. It pelted his face. Taoreta's breath caught. Instead of being mad though, B giggled, returning the favor.

It led to a domino effect and about twenty children started slinging food at one another. Taoreta just managed to dodge a glob of porridge when she felt a hand wrap around hers. L looked at her with a lopsided grin, pulling her away from the chaos. There was a loud crash, and the sound of Wammy's yelling. They giggled as they scampered to the other end of the mansion.

The two stood awkwardly, barely glancing at each other. L whirled to face her, his grey eyes bright. It was the first time in the week she'd seen so much emotion on his tiny face.

"Do you want to see my computers?!"

Her brow quirked. His gaze went to the ground, feet shuffling as he coughed.

"I like to solve puzzles with them... I understand if you don't want to..."

"Yeah... I'd like to see them."

It wasn't a complete lie... Hope and eagerness filled his eyes. It made his whole face light up. Seeing him so excited made Taoreta's chest feel... warm... she shifted, the new sensation making her uncomfortable.

They were actually impressive. The room was relatively small, but it had about five state-of-the-art computers. L scampered to the nearest one, typing something in at rapid speed, his tongue sticking out. A screen popped up with information from a gruesome murder investigation. Taoreta winced when she saw the mangled bodies. Yeah, no way Wammy was just letting him do that... he'd probably hacked some kind of firewall... hm... another mischievous spirit. Taoreta stared at him. At least now she knew what kind of things L was into...

"I started checking this out! I'm so close to figuring it out... interesting, right?!" He looked at her, bringing his knees beneath his chin anxiously.

Taoreta tapped her chin thoughtfully. On one hand, it looked really gross. On the other... the promise of a mystery... a puzzle. Her pulse began to pound. She bounced over to his side, squinting at the case. It did look... fun... she looked over the notes he'd typed off to the side, all his thoughts and what he noticed. Yeah... interesting... L jaw fell open slightly when he realized she wasn't running away in terror or bursting out crying. His chest felt heavy, scared to ask but needing to know the answer.

"You wanna help me solve it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback? Always welcome :)


	2. Lying Monsters

"That was so cool! And he was blubbering like a baby!" Taoreta yipped.

L nodded enthusiastically. They'd just finished interrogating their suspect, presenting all the evidence they'd collected and were sending to the police. Of course they used a voice disguiser, which made it all the more satisfying when he was panicking. L scrambled to his nearest computer, typing something. His brow furrowed until he was nodding.

"Okay, okay. How about a serial killer in the Alps?!"

"Cool!" She breathed, sitting next to him.

He beamed, flapping his arms. The actions made his large shirt billow excitedly. 

"Great! I'll go get snacks!"

His bare feet made slapping noises against the wood as he hurried out of the room. She sighed, for the first time really having fun. Time seemed to fly when she was solving the puzzle with L, trying to work all the angles and figure people out. Her pager buzzed and she started, grabbing for it. Axel.

 _Do you have his trust yet? It's been three months, what the fuck are you doing_?

Taoreta flinched. She'd been trying to separate herself from her mission. Especially when there were so many cases to be solves. She read and re-read the message over and over again, as if it would suddenly change if she read hard enough. This was an amazing bubble she desperately didn't want to pop.

 **He's not a trusting person. It might still take some time**.

 _OF COURSE. Fucking great. Wonderful job, Taoreta. You know what? No. I'm getting sick of this. Grab him tonight and meet at the rendezvous_. 

Taoreta's nostrils flared in fear. The message was there, making her fingers clutch around the machine tightly. No... she didn't want to do that to L...

"Hey! Check it out! We got cookies and macarons and I got your favorite!" L held up a plate of eclairs, his teeth showing through his smile, "I hope you like it. I think I prefer the macarons."

Taoreta nodded numbly, stuffing the pastry into her mouth. The explosion of flavor was enough to make her want to melt, to disappear into his smoothness. 

"This is good," she mumbled around her mouthful. 

"Right?! Since I made Mr Wammy so much money, he pretty much told me I can have whatever sweet I want."

"Whoa..." Taoreta breathed.

She swallowed, the sweetness suddenly making her stomach turn guiltily, but she pushed it down. Taoreta flashed L a smile, combing a hand through her hair.

"Hey, I heard the older kids talking about a really cool spot in a nearby park... you want to look around?"

L shrugged uninterestedly, continuing to eat his pastry, half-listening.

"Mm... nah. I don't really like going outside."

"But you have to eventually!" Taoreta protested. 

He blinked slowly, looking at her curiously. 

"Why do you want to go to the park so badly? There's nothing but gross grass and dirt there."

She started, scratching her mind for some kind of excuse. 

"There's supposed to be some cult gathering. Won't it be fun to bust them?"

That made L tap his chin in consideration. Taoreta leaned forward, thinking maybe she'd convinced him, but he rolled his shoulders.

"Cult cases are so boring... I think I prefer a _real_ puzzle." 

"But it is real!" Taoreta protested, panic rising up her chest.

"Yeah, but it's not fun," he clarified, moving towards the computers.

The rest of the day, Taoreta desperately tried to convince him. Axel just kept sending messages until her head was spinning. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt L. She tried to picture them living at Greshaw's together, training and still being friends. It was her way of trying to stave off the guilt... imagining her home but with L included. Or she could stay... at Wammy's... Taoreta quickly pushed the thought out of her head. No. Wammy's was her enemy! Greshaw's was her family... she couldn't just abandon them like that... _and Axel will find me. No matter where I go, he'll find a traitor_. She received a message from Axel that made her heart sink.

 _If you can't get him to come, force him. Threaten him and if all else fails, kill him_.

That night, the moon cast long shadows as she scampered into the kitchen, her feet quiet. Holding her breath, she grabbed a long knife, watching in fascination as it glinted dangerously. She'd had lessons on how to use one, but here in the field, with her own weapon... a shiver ran over her spine.

L was curled up in his bed. She squinted, wondering if he was actually asleep... his insomnia was so omni-present. Taoreta sucked in a breath, darting to his bedside. L twisted, his eyes widening in surprise. Huh. So he hadn't been sleeping. He yelped, somehow managed to dodge as she brought the hilt down hard, smacking it against the pillow. L tripped, sprawling onto the floor.

"T?! What are you doing?!"

"L, you're coming with me! I _wanted_ you to come willingly, but you're making this so hard!"

She rushed towards him, roaring. He squeaked, racing for the door.

"You're infuriating!" Taoreta spat.

"I'm infuriating?! _You have a knife! **You're crazy**_!" He tripped, quickly picking himself up but giving her enough time to close the distance between them.

He sidestepped her jab, pushing into the door. Taoreta cursed how badly she'd performed in her knife lessons. She swept her knife out, catching his arm. L gasped, falling just outside, and onto the hallway's carpet. A cry of help ripped from his throat, and people were out in an instant, watching in horror as Taoreta stood over him. The knife trembled in her hands, her mind locking. Wammy pushed to the front of the crowd, his eyes wide.

"T... Just put the knife down, okay? We can talk about it."

Hyperventilation took hold as she saw all the faces around her. She didn't know why, but being in too big of a crowd made her palms go sweaty and her vision blur. L was shivering, blood dripping from the wound and pooling on the wood floor. He stared at her in a mixture of fear and disbelief, shrinking as she looked at him.

"I need you!" She cried out desperately, "dead or alive I need you!"

Tears were streaming down her face now, thinking about what Axel would do if she came to him empty-handed. Wammy tried taking a step forward, holding up his hands peacefully.

"I suppose my suspicions were right," he rumbled, "you're one of Greshaw's children... aren't you?"

His suspicions... he knew? And he still tried to be kind to her? She stared at him, wondering where her performance had lacked. As if reading her mind, he laughed dryly.

"Oh, you played the part exceptionally well. A prodigy actress. You knew just what to give and what not to... brilliant performance... But when you've interacted with children for 30 years, you pick up on a cue or two. There are guards all around the exits... you won't be able to get away."

Not able to get away... hm, he didn't know her... Taoreta gasped, realizing the older man had managed to walk a full ten feet and was about only five away. She jabbed her knife back in L's direction. He was clutching his arm in pain, looking up at her with a look of betrayal and mistrust.

"I was right?" He whispered, "someone put you up to it... you never cared about me..."

"No! I didn't," she snapped, but the words felt hollow in her chest.

She did care about him... Taoreta wasn't even sure if it was possible for her to hurt him. L's gaze flickered away. He was done saying anything to her. Taoreta blinked, guilt tearing through her chest. Wammy gave one of those warm smiles, the ones that made Taoreta feel like he saw her as a person.

"Hey, it's okay," he murmured gently, "if you put the knife down, we can forget this ever happened. You can live here, happy and free... doesn't that sound nice?"

Taoreta faltered, tears welling up in her eyes. It did sound nice... but L snarled, his little face twisted in hate. She stared at him, a lump forming in her throat as he inched closer to the knife.

" _No_! I don't want you here! Y-you hear me? Go away!"

"L-" Wammy barked.

L's grey eyes had gone cold, and even though he was so young, it intimidated Taoreta. She was caught in his glare.

"Shut up, Mr. Wammy. There isn't room in this place for people like her," he scowled at her, holding out his chin, seemingly not caring that the knife was so close to the soft part of his throat, "you're a liar! A lying monster!"

Taoreta's hand shook. He stared at her from over the blade, unfazed by the sharp object inches from his face. She sighed, realizing he'd never come with her. And even if she could get him to Greshaw's... how badly would they hurt him before they decided he was ready for training? He'd be... broken... The thought of anything hurting him, making him suffer... Taoreta's eyes traveled to the wound she'd just inflicted, a sick feeling making her heave. She'd done that... she hurt him herself... her eyes misted.

"I'm sorry," it came out small, meek.

Turning, she ran back into the room, leaping for the window. There was a gigantic tree outside, its branches just within reach. Behind her, she could hear yelling and pounding footsteps, but she didn't stop running. Swinging herself down the tree, she was vaguely aware of guards rushing towards her. If she'd been toting L, there was no way she could get away, but she slid under one's grasp, kicking another in the gut. They reeled back, giving her enough time to sprint towards the large walls surrounding the orphanage and its grounds.

"T!" Wammy screamed, running outside.

Taoreta didn't stop. Her head was pounding, her nails digging into the palms of her hands. She'd failed everyone... her family, L, Wammy... tears stung her eyes. She tore towards the park, forcing herself to keep looking forward. Axel would be furious. He'd hurt her... but she felt she deserved it. She wanted the pain, she wanted it to burn away the guilt. Taoreta finally collapsed in the middle of the playground, ready to throw up. She actually did throw up, the acid burning the back of her throat and filling her nose with an acrid stench. L... she wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to get his pained and disgusted expression out of her mind.

Greshaw was waiting with three other operatives, hiding in various locations. But when they saw Taoreta was alone, they got out, Axel storming over to her. His other operatives watched warily, refusing to get involved as they stood in the dark. Before she could open her mouth, Axel swung the back of his palm against her cheek. Taoreta yelped, stumbling back as pain exploded along her bottom jaw. Axel was seething, his brown eyes on fire.

"Where. Is. He? You were found out, weren't you?"

Spittle flew into her faced. Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth. Yes... but she couldn't tell him that... she let out a cry of fear as he reeled back again, his fingers twitching in rage. He looked like he was about to strike, when a large teenager from the onlookers stepped out. Taoreta blinked, as did Axel. He had slicked back blond hair and icy blue eyes.

"Sir, she's 8..."

Axel's face went red with rage. The others were watching with wide eyes, looking back and forth, shocked that someone had confronted the old man. 

"You want to be responsible for her failures, Aiber?"

Aiber puffed out his chest. He was 17... he figured he could take it for a little girl. Howling, Axel smashed his fist into the teenager's jaw. Taoreta shrank, trembling as she watched a brother she didn't even know bleed and bruise until he was on the ground, shaking violently. Axel whirled back to face her, his eyes narrowed. Taoreta slid back, her mind locked in a numbing terror.

"When we get back home, I'm enrolling you in the Intensive Training Program." He stepped forward.

Taoreta flinched as he stroked her hair gently, a metallic taste in her mouth. Aiber coughed, struggling to stand. Axel bent down so he was at eye-level with Taoreta, his kind eyes somehow scarier than when he was angry.

"Don't worry, Darling. You may be weak now, but we'll turn you into an awe-inspiring operative."


	3. The Game

"Honestly. You act as if I'm some reckless child," L chastised lightly.

"You are," Wammy growled.

L threw open his closet, throwing aside an extra change of clothes.

"A reckless child that's managed to solve hundreds of the world's hardest cases," L reminded.

Wammy stared, his jaw set. He'd made himself very clear he didn't like L taking on such dangerous cases. It was obvious the fourteen year old felt invincible. L gave a cocky grin, swinging his bag around his shoulder. 

"I'll be fine," he smirked, pushing past his seething guardian.

He was a kind of excited he hadn't felt in a while. The cases had been getting so boring lately, too easy to solve. It made his brain hunger for more, a true competitor. This thief though in Australia was genuinely giving him a hard time. So far, his attempts at solving the case from the comfort of the mansion weren't working. Finally. An opponent worthy of him traveling to the location!

L set up in what he believed to be the most likely target and waited. The wait didn't bother him. He kept himself busy with other cases until he was drowning in detective work. He was so focused on an arsonist from Germany (who he'd already figured out the identity of) that he almost missed the thief strolling casually through the museum. When L glanced up, he leaned forward, eyes narrowing. They popped in realization and he quickly stood, searching for the pistol he'd bought behind Wammy's back.

Racing in, he held the gun up, yelling for her to freeze. Taoreta... his pulse was loud in his ears, his fingers twitching uncomfortably. She'd changed. Her face was much more angular, her cheeks higher and a bit more hollow. Her glowing green eyes glimmered with a certain malicious wickedness that hadn't been there before. L shook his head. No. There was no before. That was 6 years ago anyway... they were different people. But still, some corner of his mind was aching. Taoreta didn't look anything like the little girl who wanted to be his friend. No. She never wanted that. It was all a lie. L had to remind himself again and again. 

Her lips curled as she stepped towards him, unintimidated by the pistol. He scanned her, quickly noting that she had a gun of her own holstered on her hip, three sheathed hunting knifes strapped to the other side. L motioned towards them.

"If you make any move, I'll shoot."

Taoreta paused in her tracks, her gaze predatory. It made L uneasy, a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. She grinned. It was a bit scary, a crocodilian expression that made her feel in control of the situation even though L was holding the gun. She tipped her head respectfully.

"Bedhead. It's been a long time. You look well."

Bedhead? His nose wrinkled, but he didn't correct her. Taoreta straightened slowly, not a trace of fear or apprehension on her features. The gun flinched in his hand and he cursed himself.

"... T."

Her eyes flickered in distaste. She crossed her arms, adverting her eyes. She hadn't heard that nickname in years. A part of her had pushed it away, too scared to remember her time at Wammy's. Too scared she'd want to go back. 

"My name's Taoreta," she said shortly. 

L watched her, nodding. The same easy smile graced her features again, and she sauntered up to him, pressing her temple against the gun's barrel.

"You should pull the trigger, Bedhead," her voice was smooth, worming its way inside L's mind, "you won't have an opportunity like this again."

 _Shoot_. He stared at her, remembering the engulfing fear when she'd slashed that knife across his arm. At the time, it felt like Taoreta had been completely serious about killing him. Even now, the hairs on the back of his neck prickled, warning him. God knows what had happened over the past six years... the kind of person she'd become... what they'd done to her... But the gun shook in his grip. In the dim light, her irises looked like a cat's, intense and deceptive.

"Fuck."

He tucked the gun back in his waistband, meeting her face. They were about a foot away, swaying on their feet. Taoreta tilted her head curiously, eyes glinting. L glared at her, his teeth gnashing together.

"I'm taking you in. You have the right to remain silent."

Her brow quirked. L bit his lip. He knew it sounded unconvincing, weak. Taoreta's lips tugged amusedly. She held out her hands. He moved to cuff her, but she twisted, her body like rubber as she stretched and lithely moved. L's eyes narrowed as he tried kicking her. Roaring, she landed a strategic blow, making his entire leg go limp. L gasped, the limb hanging loosely. He gazed at her incredulously. It didn't hurt, it was just... there... immobile... he struggled to support himself on the other. Giggling, she did a backflip, landing on the extremely thin windowsill, balancing naturally. His mouth gaped. Yeah. No way he'd be able to jump that high. And his clumsy elephant feet promised he'd fall off in a second. Even if he could, he still couldn't feel his damn leg.

"Look, you were a sweet friend, but Greshaw's is my family..." 

"Is that why you stayed with them? Instead of choosing Wammy's?"

For a second, he imagined he could see a flash of emotion. It was brief, quickly being buried back under a mask of taunting indifference.

"What's wrong, Bedhead? Can't catch me up here?"

There was a beautiful purr with every line she spoke. She wanted to get him riled up... she wanted to see him show some sort of emotion. He knew that she already knew the answer to that. As he rolled his shoulders, he knew he should feel disappointed and frustrated, but he felt giddy. He couldn't explain it... but a sly grin had spread across both their faces. Taoreta returned it, and for a heartbeat, neither of them moved. There was this stillness in the air, promising something big.

"You know I'll have to catch you... right?" L's smile faltered.

She blinked innocently. That's what it was. The big thing... it was the start of a game. They could both feel it, the spikes of competition and a childish need to win. They'd been raised to hate each other... Taoreta figured this was the closest they could ever be. Always chasing each other. But she slunk slyly, her smirk dancing. Just to show off, she danced on the sill, turning slow, languid circles. L gaped, cocking his head as she laughed. He'd never catch her...Taoreta crouched, her feet flexing expertly.

"You can try," she drawled.

L's brow quirked. There were the beginnings of a smile on his lips.

"I've never failed a case," he warned, stepping closer, dragging his leg behind him.

Her eyes sparked. Standing, she gave a small wave.

"Sorry to break your streak, Bedhead."

With that, she leapt off into the cool night air, leaving L standing alone, unable to understand why his stomach felt so bubbly.

* * *

It truly became a game. A dance they always performed in which she'd try to complete her mission and he'd try to catch her. Sometimes she'd win, bounding off into the darkness, and sometimes he'd win. But he never turned her in. More often than not, he'd have her in handcuffs, usually attached to a place both knew she could easily escape from. L would give that lopsided smile that made her knees buckle and he'd tease her lightly about his victory. As for their fights, Taoreta held herself back so much it made her head spin. With her skillset, she could break so many of his limbs at any time.

His ego was too large though. He thought he was a genuinely good fighter... equating his fighting skills to his analyzing ones. One day, she just snapped, pulling at her hair.

"Holy shit, you suck at fighting."

He was taken aback, genuinely shocked. Pulling away from his sloppy kick, he cocked his head to the side, wild hair falling forward.

"Bu-"

"Okay, look. When you point your toes like that, you're practically begging them to break."

L opened his mouth to protest, but before he could, Taoreta kicked at his leg. He yelped, glowering.

"Try again," she commanded.

He hesitated, but did as he was told. She paused him mid-kick, moving his leg into a better position. Her fingertips dragged along his leg, and she heard a quick intake of breath. The breath was enough to ignite a fire in the pit of her stomach. Pressing forward, she left a peck of a kiss on his cheek. His skin was soft and smooth... he looked at her, wanting to kiss her lips... she smelled nice. Fresh. He stared at her, her closeness making his palms sweaty. Clearing her throat, she continued repositioning his leg. L's brow quirked as he glanced around, crashing back to reality.

They were doing this in the middle of a bank... the lights washing them in red as the alarm blared. 

Right outside, all the patrons she'd taken hostage were tied up, waiting for the police with bated breath. Some of them had been sobbing.

 _Wait... what am I doing? This is a bank robbery_...

"Taoreta-"

"Punch me."

 _Hm, don't mind if I do_. L obeyed, extending his arm. She stepped to the side, dodging gracefully and skillfully. She grabbed his extended arm, examining his fist.

"Your thumb is all wrong. In a real fight, _bang_ , your thumb's broken."

To emphasize her point, she applied the slightest bit of pressure against it. He winced. It hadn't even been a lot of pressure, and it hurt. While the alarm blared and the police were presumably racing to their location, Taoreta gave him a lesson in Capoeira, her favorite martial arts. By the time they heard the police at the door, L grinned sheepishly.

"This was fun..."

"Well, if we're going to fight, you might as well give me a challenge." She quipped.

His eyes narrowed playfully.

"Until next time?"

Taoreta's eyes twinkled. She nodded quickly, her eyes dangerously playful.

"Until next time, Bedhead."

He sighed longingly at her affirmation, quickly roaring as he swept out his leg, trying to catch the side of her head. Her giggle came out high-pitched as she jumped back, zig-zagging to land a punch. L moved out of the way, using her own momentum to deliver a swift kick to her ass. Taoreta went tumbling, rolling easily back onto her feet. She tilted her head, licking her lips in anticipation. Taoreta moved towards him with lightning-fast speed, making her body small and a harder target. L let out a cry as she managed to throw him off his balance. Before he could completely crash to the floor, she grabbed hold of his shirt. They stared at each other, the red contrasting with her bright green eyes. 

They were stuck. She faltered, pressing her lips against his. L froze, his mind whirring. The kiss was warm, sending shoots through her stomach. L gasped, his mouth opening. Their tongues fought for dominance, each exploring the other's mouth experimentally. Taoreta's knees buckled, and she fought to stop the moan rising in her chest. Pulling away, he looked at her gently. It was an expression she'd never seen before. It was so compassionate. For a second, she thought he'd say something, but when he didn't, she dropped his shirt and ran.

L landed on the floor. He struggled to his feet, but didn't try to stop her as she escaped. He melted slightly, a grin working its way up his lips. Holy shit, he just kissed Taoreta... he bounced a bit on his heels, the moment making his toes curl excitedly. It was a rush of adrenaline in his system, and he needed more. A yell from authorities outside made him go serious, but his toes were still twitching from the sudden surge of chemicals in his brain. The police surrounded the building, but he didn't have a doubt that she'd get away. He swayed, not sure what to do now. L glanced around, suddenly feeling foolish just standing there in the middle of a bank robbery with a goofy grin on his face.


	4. Calling

_Oh my God, she's calling me_.

He'd received a file on his computer, already downloaded and encoded. It was the purchase history of a store in America? He touched his lips lightly, narrowing his eyes as they slid over all the customers who had an L in their name. Perhaps it was the price of the item? But the message wasn't making sense... he tapped his chin with his pencil, sure he was missing something. Perhaps there was no message, but he had an intense feeling. Up until now, he just went to whatever crime fit her mo and hacked into security cameras to be able to confirm if she was there. This was her first time reaching out...

L groaned. Of course not all the names contributed to the message, and he sat there for a good half hour until he realized that it was the change he should focus on. With the sales tax in America, it meant the change number could always be different. 

**L. Tokyo. Tonight. XO**.

He tilted his head, unable to stop the smile going up his lips, partially satiated by the puzzle. His brain screamed for more, and he realized how quickly it had passed. Out of habit, he picked at a fingernail, craving more mysteries. Of course he told Wammy a rather bullshit story about why he had to go to Japan. If only Taoreta didn't exactly tell him _why_ she was in Tokyo... L sighed, 97% sure the reason was extremely dangerous and illegal. Wammy wasn't happy at all, but L gave him a lopsided smirk, going to go pack his things as he began searching Japan's news stations and police reports for any sign of her activities.

* * *

"You're getting too good at Capoeira. I might have to cut back on your lessons," she purred, sweeping out her leg.

By now, L could dodge it easily and even almost clip her. She yelped, jumping back. But there was a smile on her face.

"I have a good teacher," L rumbled, rushing forward.

Off to the side, her victim had a bag of his head and cuffs on his wrists. Apparently test scores were showing that he was a genius through and through, a true prodigy, so Axel had sent Taoreta to fetch him. He was whimpering through the bag, and L knew he should care. After all, it was a precious child, but if he was being honest with himself, he was doing this solely to see Taoreta. 

"A real kidnapping, hm? Moving up in the world," L grunted, twisting out of her kick.

She blinked innocently, her voice sweet.

"I'd be a sore operative if I couldn't even nab a nine year old," she chuckled lightly.

L breathed through his nose in an attempt at a laugh. _There_. She'd left a weak spot. With a cry, he managed to push her to the ground. She gasped, her mouth opening and releasing a sound of pain. He winced as he saw her struggle to her feet.

" _Shit_ ," she muttered, holding onto her arm. It was bent at a slight angle.

Sighing, she gave a small bow. L cocked his head.

"You know, that really hurt. I'm afraid this is where I must bid you _adieu_."

With a high giggle, she jumped for the entrance of a catwalk, using her good arm to pull her entire body up. L watched as she lightly ran towards one of the open windows, not bothering to stop her. He walked over to the boy, who was shivering.

"Police are on their way," he said uninterestedly.

Instead of answering, the boy nodded numbly. L was about to just walk away, but realized he'd be a bit of an asshole just leaving the kid alone. He sat next to him, examining his nails with a yawn. He was only 16 himself, but he felt leagues beyond the boy.

"I want my dad," he sobbed.

L rolled his eyes. 

"Just hang in there."

The boy bobbed his head, teeth chattering.

"Who... who _are_ you?"

The detective sighed, glancing at his watch, deciding he was bored with the conversation. What was taking them so goddamn long? Taoreta had probably already set her arm and was waiting for him at the restaurant downtown. The boy kept pestering him and he kept ignoring him until the kid was shaking. L pulled his legs up, resting his chin on his knee. So Taoreta really had graduated from armed robbery to kidnapping. L drummed his fingers. He wasn't concerned about the boy, but he was concerned that he wasn't concerned. They were both hardening... well, then again, he technically had no idea how hardened she already was. A shiver ran over his spine thinking about what she would be capable of in the future... what she was capable of now. For the first time, L started having his reservations about this strange... relationship... if he could really call it that... His thumb went to his mouth.

"Sir? Are you still there?!"

"Ugh. Yes, Light. I'm going to let you in on a little secret, okay? Quiet boys get to see their dad sooner."

He didn't speak anymore. L bit down a little too hard, yelping as a drop of blood rolled down his skin.

* * *

"Hm, so you never wear shoes?"

"Nope."

"Weird."

"That's what everyone says."

They sat together by the Trevi Fountain in Italy, lazily eating their gelato. She'd just managed to get away with and hide a priceless necklace. L figured he'd be able to convince her to give it back during this... pseudo-date. They quietly ate, not really looking at each other until Taoreta spoke up.

"Did you know it's my birthday?"

L paused, giving her a sideways glance.

"No kidding," he mused.

She nodded.

"I'm turning 17."

His attention turned to his spoon, licking the remnants of gelato off.

"I never understood why everyone cares so much about birthdays," he sighed, "they're just a day, like every other."

"I think they remind you that you've lived another year... and you're supposed to celebrate that accomplishment," she answered pensively.

He stared at her. Her brow rose questioningly and he folded his arms around his legs. He chewed his lip. He'd never thought about it that way before. L had always equated birthdays to loud and obnoxious parties, kids running around with cake hanging off their face. He didn't need a birthday to eat cake... cake was his life.

"Mine's in a couple of months," he heard himself saying quietly.

Her brow rose as a smile crept on her face. It wasn't a devious grin, per se, but her smiles always reminded him of a cat, slinking around sneakily. 

"Nice. I'll make sure I get you something."

His eyes met hers, wary yet laughing.

"Nothing stolen."

She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth in mock disappointment.

"You're no fun."

There was a peaceful moment. She stared at the streets around her, her face suddenly looking years older than just 17. L inspected her, wanting to ask but worried she'd think his question was silly.

"Taoreta... do you believe in justice?"

The spoon hung from her lips. She stared at him, her expression unreadable. Still not answering, she took the spoon out, delicately licking it. L's eyes wandered to her long tongue pushing through the gelato. 

"I believe this world has a very limited definition of justice," she answered slowly, twirling the spoon, "morality is subjective. What's just for someone may not be for another... for me, I consider making my family proud to be just... and so if I do terrible acts under what I believe is just... then I guess... it is... even for someone like Axel... he does what he may consider just... since everyone who lives under him is considered an asset, we're fed and clothed well, and he's never forced any of the women in his training into prostitution. So it's a tradeoff. He is... justice... in his own right."

Her eyes went distant and he wondered if she truly believed that. For a long time, he'd been wanting to ask about what it was like growing up there. But seeing her face now, a shiver of fear ran over his spine. For the first time in all their fights, she looked hollow, her eyes trained on a spot on the road.

"Is kidnapping the worst you've done?" He whispered.

Taoreta faltered, glancing at him, her eyes guarded. L's heart squeezed as he realized he'd pushed too hard. She looked down at her gelato, suddenly not hungry anymore. Taoreta held it out and L numbly took it, swirling his spoon throughout the mixture. He'd never been one to turn down a sweet, but right now it left a bad taste in his mouth. Her answer left his chest cold.

"No," she breathed, "I've done worse."

Without waiting for L to answer, she walked away, her heels clicking loudly on the Italian street. L's mouth felt dry, but he didn't pursue her.

* * *

Honestly he expected her to forget, but on his birthday, she brought a balloon to their fight. And before she fled, she left a small box on the floor filled with a cake. On it, in red icing said _Happy Birthday to my Greatest Enemy. I want a piece of this, so meet me at Lelac Street._

 _Hm, I wonder what they thought when icing it... unless she held them at gunpoint_.

He decided it was better not to ask. As much as he knew he shouldn't, he found himself meeting her at the location... without handcuffs... 

They were breathless, Taoreta pushed against the alley's wall as he ground against her, attacking her neck with harsh kisses. She moaned loudly, trying not to let the plate of cake slip from her hands. She could taste the icing on his lips and tongue. It was consuming, sending her mind spiraling and his hands explored her over her clothing. She bucked when they brushed close to her hips, and her mind twisted. His fingers danced up her sides, his eyes shut as he placed delicate kisses all across her face, biting at her lips. Taoreta licked his Adam's apple and he shuddered, groaning as she stretched around him and brought the cake between them.

"Hey, I have a job at France, you want to share a hotel or something? To split the costs."

L swirled a finger in the icing of his cake, licking it off his finger with a loud _pop_. She grinned as he smirked, leaning back in for a kiss. Taoreta ran her fingers over his jawline, panting heavily.

"You really shouldn't be telling me about your jobs like that," he answered amusedly. 

He hadn't missed her question about the hotel... he was just avoiding it. In truth, the thought of being so close to her, so _intimate_... it scared him. This, here... making out... it was different that full-out sex. What they had now was comfortable and he was terrified of it changing. Taoreta shrugged, grinning easily.

"You'll figure out I'm in France anyway, just wanted to put the offer out."

He'd be lying if he said the offer wasn't intriguing. In fact, he'd love to share a hotel room with her. The idea of waking up to her sleeping face was enough to make him seriously consider.

She sighed, cake on her face. L stopped her, gently passing his tissue over her lips. Taoreta stared at him. In the past two years, they'd flirted more, even made out, but sex... she shivered, her stomach twisting longingly. Images of L without a shirt, his lean porcelain muscles rippling under his skin... the shaky breaths he'd make... a moan escaped her throat as he added a little pressure to the cake. Hearing her moan made him stiffen, his eyes encompassing.

"Um, T?"

Taoreta cringed. A blush spread up her cheeks, the heat from that mixing with the hot ball in her gut. Before she could chicken out, she kissed his nose. L smiled, pulling her face in for a deeper kiss. His tongue moved along the bottom of her lip, his fingers grasping her shoulders tightly. She gasped into his mouth, the cake making him taste sweet. Breathing heavily, Taoreta smoothed her hair, her fingers trembling.

"Thank you," she mumbled.

With him, sometimes it felt she could just forget about the rest of the world. She didn't have a place anywhere, no real home... but here with him, his hot breath and warm gaze, she thought maybe she wasn't completely alone. L watched after her. He hated this back and forth. Neither really knowing how to deal with the other. 

_Fuck, why do things have to be so complicated_?


	5. Parties

L had turned 18 two weeks ago.

He had trouble identifying emotions. He could tell this was romance, or at least infatuation...To him, they were all so complex, so complicated. But whenever he saw Taoreta, even though he knew he shouldn't trust her... he couldn't... all the emotions felt so simple... yet somehow even more complicated. It was all confusing, but every time he saw her, he felt happy. It was a deep feeling in his chest he couldn't get rid of, no matter how hard he tried. 

Wammy was collecting the laundry from all the children. He passed in front of L's door, sighing. He was terrified the detective work would kill L at some point, but the orphan would never listen to him. Even if he seriously restricted L's access to cases, he knew it was impossible to stop him. Wammy rose his knuckle to knock on the door, but froze, his brow furrowing in suspicion. L was... humming... he was preparing for some undercover work tonight. It involved a _suit_. And serious surgery on his hair. Why the fuck was he humming? Wammy didn't even know L had it in him to hum.

"L?" He called softly.

"Hm?"

"Um... do you have any laundry?"

"Oh, yes. Thank you for reminding me."

He watched the now-adult open the door and dump a load of clothing into the basket. Yeah, his cheeks were faintly flushed and his eyes were eager. There was not a shred of doubt in Wammy's mind that he was meeting... a woman... Wammy faltered, staring at him. 

"So... why don't you tell me about this event you're going to?"

L shrugged, his lips going up dreamily.

"It's going to be excruciatingly dull."

Wammy watched his ward warily as he closed the door. It wasn't exactly like the boy was an open book... but surely he would've mentioned a girl by now, wouldn't he? Wammy's mind wandered to Taoreta, but he shook his head. No. That was 10 years ago. No. Impossible... no. Conflicting emotions ran through him as he stared at the wood, his fingers so tight around the laundry that his knuckled had gone white.

* * *

It was a lavish party. The host was a powerful man who had politicians all over the world in his pocket. The detective had read all about him, his corrupt dealings and unimaginable wealth. Of course Taoreta never told him what kind of job she was doing. After all, that would ruin the mystery... L found evidence that Greshaw's was connected to the man and was possibly even involved in an insane child-trafficking scheme. If L's intelligence was to be believed, an operative was meeting him to discuss business and... order children... and considering Taoreta had called him to Germany, he was pretty sure this operative was her.

L despised the suit he was wearing. For God's sake it had _shoes_... and he'd had to _gel_ his hair. At least he blended with the crowd. Every step was uncomfortable though. He wanted to run his hand through his hair, _burn_ the shoes. Oh, God, yes. Send the goddamn things to ashes. It had already been about two hours, and there was still no sign of any operative, much less... his jaw dropped.

It took him a second to recognize her without her black outfit. But... yes... she was wearing a sultry dark red dress that made her eyes stand out. It was low cut, exposing her collarbone and shoulders, going to the top of her cleavage... the dress hugged her body perfectly, giving her accentuated curves as she walked confidently among the higher class.

His pupils dilated when he saw her. Taoreta's eyes went over the crowd before falling on him. Her grin was beautiful, and L's breathing went heavy. He'd... always... thought she was beautiful, but he'd never wanted to admit that that's what he thought of her. Taoreta's eyes glinted as she slunk over. Why was he suddenly so nervous? He was used to seeing her... but the way the dress hugged her curves... His eyes sparked as she pulled him into a closet. Her green eyes were dancing, sending his pulse raciing.

"What are you doing here?" she purred innocently.

He snickered, tilting his head.

"Well, if you're here, then I must be in the right place."

"You're wrong," she crooned, leaning forward until they were an inch apart. L's throat went dry, his eyes wide as she spoke, her words dripping, "You're in the wrong place... so _leave._ "

"Taoreta, you're dealing with child-trafficking. This is serious," he rumbled.

Her eyes sparked. L shrank, regretting saying it. Taoreta's voice came out low and dangerous.

"Do you even know me? You think I've been saving puppies and painting rainbows for Greshaw?"

L bit his lip. He wished he could've helped her, that Wammy's had gotten to her before Greshaw's. How different would things be if she'd grown up there instead? He didn't meet her eyes, the question burning on his tongue. It was a stupid question, a childish plea. But he swallowed.

"Do you want to keep working for them?"

He held his breath, heart hammering. Her answer sounded rehearsed, instilled into her since she was a child.

"They're my family. I can't just turn my back on them."

His breath caught as she pressed closer. He could smell her perfume, her sweet shampoo. His body trembled as she scanned his eyes. 

"L," she sang gently, giggling, "you want to fuck me?"

He stared at her. What brought this on? He glanced around the stranger's closet, dark and tight... here? She was serious... he tried to gather his thoughts the best he could. Surely she knew he couldn't do that. He meant to sound commanding, that he'd have her arrested or detain her himself. But he couldn't focus. She sent his thoughts scattering, especially when he could practically taste her breath. They were so close...

"Taoreta, I--"

Her expression was unreadable, but L thought he could see her lip quiver.

"Are you scared? Is this game too much for you?"

L's eyes were huge, encompassing. Something ignited behind his eyes.

"I'm not scared," he growled, shocking himself with how husky he sounded.

She'd just challenged him to a game and now he could feel his stomach straining. Something he didn't even realize he had rose up in his brain as he closed the space between them, his breathing hitched. Taoreta gazed at him, her eyes saucers. He didn't know what he was expecting. A punch? A kick? Her eyes darted around his face.

The two stared at each other before crashing lips, his fingers tearing at her dress. His brow furrowed in confusion. Why was he doing this? Why was she doing it back? _It doesn't matter_... L was drowning in her taste, lust filling his brain. He thought about asking her to slow down, but then she moaned into the kiss, the sound vibrating in his mouth. And just like that, his eyes lidded.

He pushed her against the door, holding his knee between her legs. She mewled, hooking an arm around his neck, deepening the kiss. His tongue slid over her teeth, battling for dominance. He won, pushing the organ deeper into her mouth. Taoreta squirmed excitedly, his hands massaging her exposed breasts. She gasped as he pulled down her panties. His fingers shook as he looked down while she kept kissing the shell of his ear.

"Taoreta," he murmured, "I, um... I don't know where to put my hands."

Her face flashed in panic as she looked at his digits, twitching nervously on her abdomen.

"I... I don't know!" There was a slight squeak to her voice, "I've never done anything like this before..."

"Me neither," he admitted, heat rising up his neck.

Taoreta inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to bare her surroundings.

"Well... I really, _really_ want you to finger me," she breathed.

He nodded, his long fingers danced around her entrance. It was so soft and wet... he groaned, slowly pushing a digit inside. Was he doing it right? A ball of heat formed in the pit of her stomach as he thrust his fingers, Taoreta panting slightly. She threw her head against the wall and he realized it was good. He sped up, allowing his body to just do what naturally felt right. He sucked on the crook of her neck and she gave a sound, clawing at his scalp. It stung, but he _liked_ the sting.

"How can you have this effect on me?" He rasped, pulling back to look at her.

She was so beautiful it hurt. By all means, it didn't make sense. He knew his feelings were clouding his judgement, but he couldn't stop, he couldn't _make_ himself stop. He needed her, every inch of her, every space and mind-boggling centimeter of skin.

A smirk graced her lips as she pulled him towards her, her breath tickling his ear. She saw him visibly shudder.

"You want to know what effect you have on _me_?" To show him, she guided his hand back to her entrance.

While he plunged his fingers back into her soaking heat, she struggled to unzip his pants. There was his member, free from its restraints, long and hard. Giving him a mischievous grin, she slid to her knees, taking him into her mouth. He grunted, holding onto the back of Taoreta's head. His eyes glazed.

"Taoreta," he breathed.

How... he never imagined something could feel so incredible. His member twitched, the pleasure igniting a fire. L ran his hands through her soft hair, the world spinning. Unexpectedly, his hips snapped. She almost gagged and he gave her an apologetic look. She bobbed her head, motioning that it was okay for him to thrust. L started slowly, pushing his member down her throat, the wetness overwhelming. She breathed through her nose, the taste of salt and sweetness almost sending her over. His thrusts became sloppy, but before he could come, she stood. As she turned and he ran his fingers over her back, he faltered. His digits passed over dozens of scars, some very long and presumably deep... were there any on her front? He hadn't checked...

Taoreta rubbed herself against his member impatiently, pressing herself against the wall. He blinked, slowly entering her. Taoreta hissed, pain and pleasure making her shiver. Her back arched, the need to scream overwhelming. 

After a second of adjustment, he started rocking. It felt amazing. The way her walls clenched around him, the guttural sounds she made and the way his mind went to static. Before he knew what was happening, his thrusts were quick and hard. L sucked on her neck while he thrusted, pounding into her. They made her bounce, and each thrust got deeper. Taoreta grabbed at his hair, pleasure numbing her brain.

"L," she squeaked, her voice strained, "no one's ever made me feel this way before. You're-" she inhaled sharply.

He huffed, his hands leaving bruises on her hips. With one last plunge into her, she felt his warm come burst. It filled her, dripped from her entrance. Taoreta let out a muffled yell, clawing at the back of his neck as a wave of pleasure released. They rode out their orgasms together, his hips moving gently as he kissed her forehead. She pulled him into a deep kiss, where they could taste the other.

L felt restless, his body buzzing, full of adrenaline. But when he looked at her, he froze. Taoreta smiled, but there was something sad behind it, her eyes almost reflective. He took a step back, shaking. Had he done something wrong? Did he hurt her? She asked him to do it... he shifted, trying to catch her gaze. But she was slipping on her dress again.

"I have to go."

"Taoreta," he started, shaking his head, "does this... does this mean we're-"

"It means we want to fuck each other," she cut off sharply.

The look he was giving her made her realize how close she was to actually caring about someone. And being cared about back. It was an unnerving feeling. _Maybe I'm the scared one_... Taoreta quickly pushed the thought out of her mind. She didn't _get_ scared... she _caused_ fear. Taoreta had expected that L would be too afraid, that she'd just cause fear in him too. That's who she was. But the different feelings were crashing through her. Taoreta was shaken, realizing she wanted more. She wanted his body, thrusting and stretching her, exploring with his long tongue and talented fingers, she wanted his mind and thoughts... and she knew he would give that to her. He would put so much on hold, risk everything just for the chance to see her... Taoreta's eyes misted, realizing in horror that she really was a monster. Because she knew in the back of her mind she wouldn't hesitate to kill him if she was commanded to do so... but she wanted to be loved... it was terrifying...

"It means I'm attracted to your dick... nothing more."

She didn't wait for him to respond as she slipped out of the room, leaving him standing there, reeling.


	6. Carnival

L growled huskily as he ground into her. Her moans filled the static hotel air, sending his fingers trembling. He left kisses up and down her body, his eyes glazed over. As time passed, sex came easier until it was an added bonus to their game. On their cat and mouse rendezvous, they'd decide on a hotel to meet at. They didn't exactly know what it meant, just that it was a fun game and that for a night, they could disappear from the rest of the world. L peppered kisses along the nape of her neck. Being here with her was the only time his blood was on fire, like he actually had a deep and wild pulse.

Taoreta gasped as she came, that itch under her skin finally satisfied as they settled down together, him mindlessly tracing circles along her skin. Her whole body was contracting and expanding, her thoughts put on buffer as she didn't even bother to gather up her brain. She twisted up, moving to the cart of alcohol. His brow quirked. In America you had to be 21, but she had a convincing fake ID. It also helped she looked years beyond her actual age, either from the tiredness of pretending or the weight of her jobs, L couldn't tell.

"Want some?"

L shook his head, biting his thumb. They were both now only 19, but he definitely noticed she drank much more than she should. The one time she'd given him any, he spat it out, hating the bad taste it left in his mouth. 

She shrugged, downing an entire glass, her gaze distant. Standing up himself, he closed the space between them, nuzzling the crook of her shoulder. At first, she was stiff. Her body shook slightly. Turning to him, she grinned brightly and his stomach roiled. She was good about making her smiles reach her eyes. It made it hard to tell when she was being genuine or not.

"Hey, there's a fair going on downtown... you want to go?"

L blinked, tilting his head, a smirk playing at his lips.

"A fair, hm? Hmmm I don't know, it might take some bribes to get me there."

She giggled, her hands sliding down his arms.

"How does... cotton candy sound?"

"Mm."

"Aaaand candy apples?"

"Ooh."

Those hands moved along his skin, dancing across his back.

"There's ice cream."

"Blissful..."

Taoreta chuckled, "and as much funnel cake as you want."

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a deep kiss. They tasted each other on their lips. Taoreta shuddered, realizing that she felt... happy... her brow furrowed as he went to go change. What did they have? She leaned against the wall, still naked, sighing. It didn't matter... this was comfortable and that was okay... besides, she'd already drawn the line a while ago that this was just attraction... 

"It's rigged," he sang under his breath.

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock," she growled, aiming the ball.

'You're going to fail," he coughed, his eyes dancing.

"You are a beacon of inspiration and encouragement, you know that?"

The ball bounced harmlessly off the table. L inspected his nails lazily.

"Oh, my. Who could've predicted such an outcome?"

"L, I swear to God I will throw this at your head."

"Will you?"

Before she could answer, he threw kernels of his candy popcorn at her. She narrowed her eyes, smirking. Moving up to him, her lips ghosted around his, almost but not touching. He swayed on his feet, the lights from the carnival flashing on his pale skin.

"That hurt," she whispered, "totally humiliating. I might just have to leave."

In response, he dropped several kernels into her hair. They gave her dark locks a sprinkling of color but she winced, trying to pick them out while he popped another one into his mouth. Taoreta shook her head as he pulled her towards the rollercoaster and he stared at her in shock as she scanned it.

"Structural integrity is _not_ sound," she whimpered.

L tilted his head curiously. 

"Taoreta," he gasped playfully, "are you... scared?"

"Of a deathtrap? Yeah," she grumbled, but allowed him to pull her on anyway. 

L couldn't believe his eyes as he saw Taoreta's whole body tense, her gaze darting. 

"We don't have to--"

"Not scared," she stuck out her chin defiantly.

By the time the ride was over, she was more pale than him... L placed his chin in the cup of his hand, sighing.

"You look terrible."

"Terrible and sick," her body convulsed.

At the end of the night, they walked to the airport together, Taoreta's crime of the day forgotten. L found himself with his hand wrapped around hers, and he cleared his throat, addicted to the feeling of her skin on his. She closed her eyes, just allowing herself to feel the wind lightly kiss her skin. Turning to L, she wrung her fingers, suddenly nervous. L's owlish eyes examined her, internalizing what she looked like when she was so unsure.

"There's something I want to ask you."

He waited patiently, his heart drumming. Taoreta inhaled slowly.

"I've never wanted to find out... as if me not knowing somehow meant my parents were alive and looking for me, but... I want to know now... I have no idea where I come from. It's not exactly like Axel keeps adoption papers, so..."

Her throat closed on her and she cursed how close she was to crying. L's large eyes were intense... consuming.

"I'd like to hire you to find them," she managed finally, hissing out a breath.

L stopped them, just watching her. Taoreta's bottom lip trembled and she was questioning whether this was a good idea... but then he kissed her. It was a real kiss, not like the ones they just used for the game or to one-up each other. It was loving and tender, his warm breath mixing with hers as his tongue brushed against her lips. Taoreta's knees buckled, her mind twisting with the new sensation. L slid a hand across her cheek, his cool digits making her shiver.

"I'll find them," he rumbled in that low voice only he could do. 

* * *

Taoreta got back to her compound desperately trying to wipe the smile off her face. Wedy was training with Aiber, her brow furrowed in concentration as she kicked and punched. Aiber easily overpowered her, sending her sprawling to the ground with a moan. Taoreta perched on the bleacher, tapping her foot methodically. Aiber glanced in her direction, bowing dramatically while Wedy tried charging him. Smirking, he easily dodged and she went crashing. 

"Goddamnit."

Taoreta couldn't help the smile crossing her lips. They were the closest thing to family she had. Breathing heavily, Aiber helped Wedy to her feet and she shook her head.

"I'm a thief, damnit, not a fighter."

Aiber shrugged, twirling his training stick smugly.

"Or you just can't beat me."

They made their over to Taoreta, all sitting together while Wedy went to go raid the kitchen and bring over dinner. While she was gone, Aiber watched her, tilting his head curiously.

"What's his name?"

Taoreta's face blanched as she stared at him, picking at the hem of her sleeve. 

"You're completely flushed and have a slightly doe-eyed look."

"Do not!" She protested, but it fell dead on her lips.

Groaning, she rubbed her hands across her face.

"I can't talk about it... let's just say it's something that shouldn't exist..."

"...oh..."

He didn't ask any more questions.

The door opened and they expected to see Wedy, but Reed made his way in, large muscles rippling under his toned skin. Instantly, alarms sounded in Taoreta's mind. The man was about 10 years older than her, buff to the point where Aiber looked scrawny and had no qualms about doing the dirtiest, sickest jobs for Axel. He always made her feel anxious, like at any moment, he might jump out and hurt her. Well... because he did... Taoreta shuddered, the Intense Training Program rushing through her memories. Reed would whip and throw her across the ground until she couldn't stand, blood running from the corners of his mouth. He'd pick her up, looking ready to kiss her when Axel would intervene. 

He glanced at them, his lips up in a wicked grin, shooting a look that told Taoreta exactly how he was undressing her in his mind. Aiber gently placed a hand on the small of her back, guiding her out of the room. They met Wedy in the hallway and as they had dinner quietly, Aiber shot protective glances at the door, as if Reed would suddenly appear. 

Taoreta made her way to her quarters, trying to keep the wonderful feelings of the carnival with L. His shining dark eyes, always looking like he wanted to reach out for her but was scared to... there was something about his lean, lanky body, the way the lights caught in his black hair. Even though he always looked exhausted, she could tell when adrenaline was racing through his veins. Hell, she could _feel_ it through his skin... sometimes she couldn't stand how he filled her thoughts... an itch to always see him... to feel him stretching her open and tasting her flesh... Taoreta sighed, curling up in her bed, picking at the sheets. As more and more time passed, she found herself wanting to see him more and more. _I guess he's not just a dick, after all_...

* * *

Wammy knocked on L's door, asking how the homicide investigation in America went. L opened the door, his lips up in a serene grin. Wammy stared. The orphan's smiles were a rare treat that he'd learned to savor. He chuckled heartily.

"Are you going to tell me about her?"

"Nope," L chirped, motioning for the older man to enter the room.

The older man crossed his arms, the sneaking suspicion still playing in his brain. Finally, he lightly clasped a hand over L's shoulder.

"Have you seen Taoreta since that night?"

L faltered, staring at him. Oh, yes... Wammy felt both vindicated and absolutely terrified. L shrugged, moving for one of the lollipops he always kept on his bedside table.

"We're careful."

Wammy's eyes glistened worriedly. L sensed this, crunching down on his candy with a cocky grin.

"Wammy, you know me. According to Interpol, I've got the best head anyone can have on their shoulders."

"It's not your head I'm worried about," Wammy sniffed, going to dust the mantle.

L's brow quirked at the innuendo. But he ignored it, instead opting to sign into his computer and work on some more cases. Wammy stared at him, his hand shaking. He'd seen this scenario play out before, almost always ending with his kids irreparably hurt or in a body bag... he loved L to pieces and the thought of anything damaging the boy so wholly made his stomach turn violently. He gave a smile, clearing his throat.

"Are you hungry?"

He shook his head, already deeply entrenched in his mystery, his brain always hungry for the next worthy competitor. 

"No thank you. I already had funnel cake."

"You need to eat real food at some point in your life."

The orphan gave a wry grin. It was always small, but it had a quality to it that made it feel grander. 

"Hm, yes, at some point I suppose I will."

Wammy pursed his lips. Sighing, he exited the room, fear racing through his mind. 


	7. Unwinding

"Bedhead, you're so good to me," Taoreta slurred with a slight squeak to her voice.

L gave a wry grin, watching in fascination as she downed yet another beer. For her 21st birthday, he'd treated her out to her first legal night drinking, no fake IDs. Although he himself was still a few months away from the legal age, he didn't mind bringing her. She swayed dangerously, stumbling off the chair. L's face flashed in worry as he moved to help her, hooking one of her arms around his shoulders as he led her out of the musty and crowded bar. The cool night air was refreshing, bringing a certain peace with it... as they walked, Taoreta paused, looking at him, her green eyes pooling.

"I'm a monster," she whispered.

He stared at her, analyzing her face. Surely her ability to lie went down when she was intoxicated like this, right? Before he could ask what she meant, her eyes welled, tears slipping down her face.

"Maybe that's why my parents left me... because I'm a nothing. A poor, little monster." She giggled as if she'd said the funniest joke in the world.

L stiffened, his mouth falling open incredulously. He didn't know why, but he felt an intense desire to protect her, to hug her tightly until she believed she was worth more than that. But... was she? Just last month, she'd been involved in a triple homicide. 

"Hey, hey. Don't say that... T, look at me."

Taoreta faltered. He hadn't used that nickname in a while and hearing it made her shudder. Pulling her in, he actually did hug her, nuzzling the crook of her neck. He genuinely cared about her... and he was finding it frustrating that he cared so much... they kept walking, Taoreta leaning into L's body until he brought her to a hotel. She turned to him, grinning as she tried to wrap her arms around him, but he gently helped her get into the bed. Taoreta lay there staring at him, her eyes misting as he crouched over her, tenderly running his fingers through her hair.

"They broke me," she whispered.

The fingers paused as he stared at her questioningly. Now tears were falling from the corners of her eyes, streaming down her cheeks and leaving stains on her skin.

"When I couldn't catch you, they broke some bones a-and waterboarded me... a-and then Reed whipped me."

Her eyes fluttered, everything suggesting she was falling asleep, but she kept talking.

"I couldn't go anywhere without a-a teacher and if I was bad in any way, t-they wouldn't feed me for the night..."

Taoreta's eyes were closed now, her lips moving breathlessly, "they broke me, so I'm a monster," she sighed, finally falling asleep.

L sat frozen, his eyes wide. Of course he had assumed Taoreta had been punished for the failure... but that much on a pre-pubescent girl? He passed a tissue over her sweaty features, feeling a shiver of guilt. He'd been so hurt that night, he pushed her away, not even considering what they'd do to her... _selfish as always_. L shuddered at the thought, his mouth uncomfortably dry. It turns out Taoreta wasn't unconscious yet, not completely. She sat up in a daze, pressing her lips to his. It was a desperate, pleading kiss that didn't send the blood rushing through his veins like it usually did, but more so made him... sad... L stiffened, his grey eyes reflecting the light of the room and turning them almost silver. Taoreta choked out a sob, shaking her head.

"I don't want to sleep," she begged, "please don't make me sleep."

His lip trembled as he slid down next to her, twirling a strand of her hair. He'd never cared about anyone... at least, not to this extent. He squeezed the strand with a shuddered sigh. L would do anything for her... 

"Okay," he rasped, kissing her forehead, "you don't have to sleep."

Taoreta nodded slightly, folding herself into his body heat. They stayed like that for a while, just feeling the other's breathing. 

"L... do you think this is... do you think this is love?"

He paused, his mind whirring. Was it? He knew he couldn't trust her, but he found himself getting so close to her... even though Wammy warned him that she'd hurt him, he couldn't make himself believe it and heed the warning. But what they had was so... twisted... it was just a game, wasn't it? At the same time, though... it wasn't... being with her was all he ever wanted. She'd completely invaded his thoughts, 

"I don't know," he answered truthfully, his breathing hitched.

Taoreta bobbed her head into his chest, her breath warm. L stroked her back, his pulse loud in his ears. Did this mean for the first time Taoreta wouldn't leave first? His insomnia ensured he usually stayed up until about four or five in the morning, until he finally managed to catch some sleep... only to wake up 2-4 hours later to see she was gone. Would that change?

It didn't.

His eyes fluttered open in the morning to see the bed was empty. L curled, something stirring in his heart. It was a deeper pain than he expected, a salty feeling that left him feeling dried out and vulnerable. He should've expected her to be gone... that's what she always did... but he sighed, knowing he himself couldn't leave if he wanted to. He was bound to her, and whenever she called he felt compelled to answer, like he couldn't stop himself. L chewed his thumb, picking at his hair as he started getting ready to go back to Wammy's.

* * *

About a week later, Taoreta's cheeks were still burning whenever she drudged up those memories. Whatever. If anything since that night, she was drinking a lot more, loving the way it washed away all her thoughts and made her feel airy. Stumbling back into the compound, Taoreta passed a group of children, whispering conspiratorially in the hall. They hushed up as she passed them and she sighed. As an adult with virtually no curfew on her way to getting her own sect, the kids feared her. A part of her missed being among the conspirators. Of course she never trusted her peers, but they still made her feel like she was part of something. Her eyes flickered as she rounded the corner, her hungover mind seeking coffee.

In the kitchen, she poured in way too much sugar... a poor health habit she'd picked up from L. But it did the trick, coating her tongue in a thick sweetness. As she drank her coffee, she felt a presence from behind.

"Hey, Taoreta, I don't see you too much."

She froze, a shiver running up her spine. Reed. Taoreta turned with a tight smile, bowing her head respectfully, but keeping tabs on how close he was to her. He gave a predatory smirk, taking a step forward, prompting her to move back. Her eyes narrowed as her back pressed against the counter, poking into her spine and making her skin go cold. Her eyes darted around his body, trying to pick out any weak points she could exploit. The throat was a soft part and if she could just strike it the right way, he'd be doubled over... same with the groin... Taoreta pushed down the fear, sticking her chin out as she glared at him.

"Excuse me," she said coldly, trying to push past him.

Reed stepped in front of her, his eyes sparking.

"Where are you going? To see your boyfriend?"

Taoreta scowled, glowering at the taller man. In truth, he intimidated her and she could feel herself shaking, but she forced herself to keep his gaze.

"Oh, fuck off, Reed."

He grinned, running a hand through his hair. She bit her lip. The likelihood of her fighting her way out of the situation, even with capoeira, was challenging. Almost impossible. Reed knelt down, and she stiffened. He was sniffing... her hair... a shudder passed over her. 

"Tell me, this is him, isn't it?"

Taoreta inhaled sharply when he showed her an array of pictures taken at the fair. There were so many people, it was impossible to tell if someone was following them, especially if it was one of Axel's operatives. Taoreta's ego wasn't big enough that she couldn't deny many of his operatives were better than her. All she could do was make sure her messages were well-coded and that she was careful, taking different routes and noticing who was behind her. But she stared at the photos, her stomach ice. Did Reed take them? Someone else making sure she wasn't doing anything Axel would disapprove of? They were taken from a distance, far enough that the photographer could just blend in with the crowd whenever. Taoreta squeezed her eyes shut. They hadn't been careful enough... after 7 years of secretly seeing each other, they'd gotten arrogant... 

Reed finally settled on one of her kissing L. She was breathing heavily. Maybe... maybe they wouldn't be able to tell it was him? No... that was a stupid hope. It also didn't help L had barely changed his style or appearance since he was little. Reed tilted his head, chuckling.

"Now, of course on a whole, Axel couldn't care less who his people fraternize with, as long as report for orders. But this guy... Axel was curious."

Hm. So he had been the one taking the pictures. Taoreta's brow furrowed. He was gigantic, though... how could she have missed him? As if reading her mind, he laughed.

"Oh, it wasn't me. This was Lily's work. You see, that hit that we had for you about two months ago resurfaced in Indonesia. Axel was shocked you had failed a mission, but wanted to know if your failure was deliberate or if someone was stopping you. So he had Lily tail you."

It made sense... Lily could follow virtually anyone... Taoreta swallowed.

"Some digging later and we realized the money you brought from several of your 'robberies' didn't actually come form selling those items. Where you got that money from is a bit of a mystery."

Taoreta stared, her mouth like sandpaper. Not careful. Arrogant. Fear wormed its way up her stomach. How could she have been so stupid?

"It's a Wammy's Kid, isn't it?" He breathed in awe, "it has to be. We tried doing a background check on the photo, but nothing came up... he's not in any records, which pegs him as a Wammy's Kid. Axel wants to know who he is. Is it... is it L?"

"Reed, you're grasping. It's just some fun fuckboy I found in a club. He's got that drug-addict bad boy thing going on, so I figured why the Hell not. Maybe he's not in any records because he's _that_ much of a nobody.

He tilted his head, tapping his chin thoughtfully.

"Well I think you're lying."

"Then why don't you take it up with Axel?" She snarled, stalking past him.

As she moved, his hand snapped out, wrapping around her arm. She gasped at the pain and a trickle of blood ran down where his nails were latched on. Taoreta tried not to quiver, terror choking her. He ran a hand through her long tangles as she shrank, trying to pull away from his grasp. His words echoed through her chest.

"We did. Good for us we managed to catch your little fuckboy. Come on, why don't you say hi?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I know this story has been a lot of time skips and I was wondering if I was doing them well? It's hard to figure out what to put in and what to take out so any feedback would be helpful :)


	8. Pain

Taoreta was taken through the winding halls. Lily on her left, Reed on her right. He opened the metal door for her, and Taoreta's heart squeezed.

Axel was casually sitting on a chair, his eyes sparked with interest and giddiness. L was on his own chair, his head lolled back and his eyes unfocused. Taoreta's breath caught. He looked dehydrated. His lips were cracked and dry but there was a thick sheen of sweat on his face and neck. So much so that his wild hair was sticking to his skin. Axel gave a slight applause as he turned around.

"Ah, just the woman I wanted to see!" He chirped.

Her stomach felt sick. But she nodded submissively, trying not to look at him. L picked up his head, his gaze flickering as if he couldn't identify her face. She chewed her lip, anger and bitter sadness battling in her mind.

"We caught him in China. Boy, were we lucky, hm? After a bit of investigating, we found out that if someone leaves a very specific trail of digital breadcrumbs, he'll follow them without fail. Isn't that interesting? And we figured this out from your computer... it was an interesting code most would dismiss."

Axel shot her a knowing look, a smile playing at his lips. Taoreta froze, her knees buckling dangerously. Her entire world was spinning, and she just wanted a second to catch up. He leaned back into his chair, sighing reverently.

"Drug him up a bit and it turns out he's L! Go figure... the rest of the real names of those brats from Wammy's though... that was proving more difficult... I thought you should do the honors of torturing him for information. You know, to prove where your loyalties lie."

Taoreta's throat went dry. She stared at him, feeling small. L groaned, bringing her attention. He was shaking his head, as if just realizing where he was. He tried standing, but stumbled, crumpling to the floor. Taoreta audibly gasped as he struggled to his feet again.

"Don't worry about him, he's so drugged he can't hurt you," Axel chuckled.

He motioned for her to step in front of the detective. She stared down at him. L blinked, tilted his head. His expression went warm as he looked at her, a serene smile on his lips. For a second, she thought she could see trust in those large irises. Tears stung the corners of her eyes. She looked at Axel desperately, not caring that her entire demeanor was betraying her. She just wanted him to let L go. Taoreta didn't even care if she traded places with him... Axel's lips curled.

"Or I could just kill the two of you now... you've probably realized I have enough guards outside that you won't make a single step before you're gunned down."

Yes... she had figured that... a part of her was tempted just to accept death, but she glanced at L again. She couldn't make that decision... she couldn't condemn him to death... not when there was so much he could still do.

"What kind of information do you want?"

"Preferably the names of his fellow brats... you know what? Let's make this more fun, eh? So I'll know you're actually trying. 5 names in 24 hours and I'll let him go free... I'll even drop him back off at his precious orphanage. 10 names and both of you are free to leave, never to be pursued by me again."

She stared at him, trying to decide if she believed him... but then she realized she didn't have a choice. 5 names. That's all she wanted to get out of him... she didn't deserve freedom... or to ever see the light of day again... Sucking in a breath, Taoreta got to work.

She punched him. It was a clean, hard punch that sent him reeling to the floor. That brought him crashing back to reality mighty quickly...

L gripped his jaw, looking at her in shock. That trust she saw was instantly gone, replaced with disbelief and apprehension.

"You hit me..."

Even in his stupor, it dawned on him what had just happened. Realizing he was in danger, L shook his head quickly.

L glared at her, rounding and kicking out. She knew to avoid those dangerous kicks, but of course they didn't exactly have the best form in his drugged state. Expertly dodging them, Taoreta instinctually slammed her elbow down. His face scrunched as she snapped his outstretched leg into an unnatural angle. He fell against the ground, unable to stand, gasping in pain. His eyes were wide, staring at it in a mix of horror and fascination. Taoreta stood over him, looking down at his gaping, shocked mouth. She swiped at her eyes, wishing she was as good at shutting off her emotions as L was. The pain was making it hard for him to breathe. L doubled over, making it look like he was bowing to her, his hair falling in front of his face.

"Fuck you," he growled to the floor.

He didn't give up even with the leg, opting to swing his arm towards her in a tight fist. Taoreta caught it ridiculously easily, twisting it. His eyes popped. A loud _crack_ filled the room.

L screamed.

It was a haunting, blood-curdling sound. His body shivered as he crumpled, cradling his arm. He wheezed, whimpering and crying out. His breathing was heavy, his eyes pooling with the most raw fear and emotion she'd ever seen from him. Terror. Of her. Of realizing how easily she could've killed him during their many fights. Of just how dangerous she was... a thing he had never truly accepted...

But she stared at him, her eyes watering. He watched her pleadingly, his pupils small, eyes darting wildly. L tried to move, but he could only use one arm to pull himself towards the wall. As he managed to sit more upright, his eyes met hers, his mouth grunting from his injuries. L sagged against the wall, shaking his head.

"Taoreta..."

She tried to shut his voice out... she had to... her body trembled as she lashed out, striking him across his temple. L cried out as his face slammed into the wall, a slow trickle of blood running down his skin and catching in his eye.

"I want the names of Wammy's orphans," she said as calmly as possible.

"Go die," L snarled.

To prove a point, he spat on the ground in front of her. She watched him warily, wincing. Taoreta glanced at Axel, but the man simply shrugged.

"If you give up now, I'll just kill him... and then I might kill you."

Taoreta shook. She looked at L pleadingly, silently begging for just a few names. But L's eyes were hard, his jaw set.

"I'll never give you any names," he spat venomously.

 _I know, L... that's not the kind of person you are_...

She'd be surprised if she ever slept again. The sounds she elicited from him were enough to make her want to take a million showers, and die just as many times. It wasn't just that her skin crawled, but she felt _dirty_. She did the most horrific things, pulled out his teeth and sliced under his fingernails. She humiliated him... He screamed until he was curled on the floor, shivering and on the verge of crying. He convulsed, his body dry heaving.

"Please, stop," he croaked.

17 hours. And she'd managed to get five names... he was free... Taoreta took a step back, looking at Axel. Her eyes sparked with the realization. The man knew she'd stop at five... that she would never hurt him for her own freedom. Axel tapped his chin in interest, but nodded.

"Let it be known that I am a man of my word... Reed, deliver him back to Wammy, would you?"

"Yes, sir."

Axel's eyes met Taoreta's. Her irises still had a violent fire, a burning hatred. She quickly adverted her eyes, but he'd seen the spitting venom and the way she was dismembering him in her mind. He crossed his arms.

"Wait," Axel stopped Reed, "Taoreta... you're going to let him go home all dirty? Why don't you clean him up a bit?"

Taoreta's cheeks filled with vomit, but she swallowed. It was a quiet lull, and for the first time in hours, her eyes went to her hands... covered in blood... She shuddered, her mind threatening to shut down on her. Axel blinked, taking note that she herself was at her breaking point.

"We'll come back for him when you're done."

She wanted to protest, but her tongue felt heavy in her mouth...

Reed disappeared, returning with a bucket and rag. They bade Taoreta goodnight, locking her in with him.

Instantly, Taoreta slid to his side. Her fingers shook as she dunked the rag, her nostrils flaring as tears threatened to stream down her cheeks. L stared at her through his hair in a mix of betrayal and hatred. His nose wrinkled and he flinched the closer she got. She silently dabbed the rag against a trail of caked blood. L winced, adverting his gaze quickly.

"You disgust me," he whimpered lightly.

There was a lump in her throat, but she didn't argue it. Instead, she gently wiped the rag down his face. His eyes had gone distant now... his mind retreating to a better place...

"I should have listened to Wammy," he whispered.

Taoreta paused. She tried to get him to meet her eyes, but they were hollow, going right through her.

"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, Wammy," he murmured.

"L... I am so s..."

What could she say? Sorry? L was shivering now, his features twisted in pain. Not sure what to do, Taoreta was about to step back. But he let out a strangled sound, pressing his head against the wall.

"Don't go."

Don't go? Even after all that?

Somewhere in his exhausted mind, he knew he should hate her. That she was nothing but scum. But he couldn't help wanting to feel her gentle touch... a reminder of the only times he ever felt happy... He leaned towards her, the pain pounding his chest. Stunned, Taoreta wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a deep hug. He deflated in her arms, hanging his head in a mix of shame and relief. Relieved she smelled so sweet, his nostrils were otherwise filled with blood... no, shame... but he was relieved to see those warm green eyes... no, shame...

"You disgust me," he said more forcefully, but he couldn't make himself believe it.

Even those words were draining. Taoreta buried her face against the top of his head, shuddering.

"L, I..."

She sagged, opting to just silently hold him. L didn't respond at first. She pulled away to look at his face, bruised and swollen. There were welts and marks around his neck, and his breathing came out obstructed.

"I hate you," he murmured.

Taoreta's lip quivered. She inhaled sharply though when he roughly grabbed her collar and pulled her into a kiss. It was desperate, begging. His lips had a metallic tang. He was shivering when he pulled away, hating both her and himself. L's eyes teared as he stared at her. Why did he think she was so beautiful? Why couldn't he just despise her?

"I hate you," he repeated. His eyes went hollow again.

L couldn't focus again, his jaw clamped together as he went mute.

Taoreta dunked the rag again, biting her lip when she saw how red the water had turned.

The door opened at some point and Reed sauntered in. Taoreta felt frozen in place as he walked past her. Reed hoisted him as easily as if he was a child. L's head hung, his eyes glassy as blood dripped down his temple. Taoreta took a step towards him... he looked so broken... He simply stared at the ground, his gaze distant. She reached out to gently touch him, but he pressed away from her. She quickly withdrew her hand, feeling numb. Her voice came out a harsh rasp, her throat aching painfully.

"I have to go."

He looked like he was about to stop her, but didn't. Stepping outside, three guards followed her, only stopping when she entered the bathroom.

She took a shower.

Taoreta knew that in the morning, she'd be thrown in a cell, probably chained like an animal. She'd seen it on others, the heavy metal weighing them down... Taoreta sank to the shower floor, the sobs finally escaping her body. Her own eyes went empty as she hugged her knees beneath her chin, coldness sweeping through her body.

* * *

The doorbell rang. When Wammy opened it, he gasped, almost collapsing to the ground.

L had been left on the front doorstep. He was sprawled out, blood seeping out onto the concrete. It was a gruesome sight, a broken leg and arm bent unnaturally. There were deep gashes everywhere, soaking through his white shirt. His face and skin were covered in dark bruises, and it was obvious one of his eyes would be a black eye. L's fingers twitched, but nothing else moved. Wammy rushed forward, holding him. L's head bobbed, as if he didn't even have enough strength to hold it upright. His eyes flickered around Wammy's face before sliding shut.

"L?!" Wammy cried, trying to get the boy's focus.

But he was completely unconscious, not even making a sound or acknowledging Wammy's presence. Wammy choked, burying L's head into his chest.

"Someone call 999!" He screamed.

While Roger ran to obey, tears slipped down the bridge of Wammy's nose. L didn't react as they splashed against his forehead.

"Oh, my son," Wammy shuddered.


	9. Sakura

L wasn't eating anything, sugar or otherwise. He was stuck in his bed all day, and Wammy had to practically force him to drink water. After a week, L's stomach was aching and he felt like shriveling up, but he didn't care... Wammy sat by his bedside, his eyes misted in fear and love.

"Please, L," he whimpered, "you have to eat something. I'll get you anything you want! Cake, cookies, strawberries, candy..."

"I'm not hungry," he rumbled.

He desperately wished he could curl into a small ball, but the casts were preventing him from doing that. There was one wrapped around his arm, his leg was being supported in the air, and there were healing welts all over his body, as well as a black eye. Wammy shuffled forward, hanging his head in defeat.

"L, what do you want me to do? Just name it."

L didn't answer. Wammy glanced at him, running his hand through his mustache worriedly. Did he dare ask?

"Do you... do you want to see her?" He whispered.

That made L's eyes snap in his direction.

"I never want anything to do with her ever again."

But his face told a different story. He looked tired, older than just 21. Even as he said the words, his lip trembled, but he forced himself to keep an even face. Wammy stared at him, a sigh gathering in his chest.

"Then please eat..."

He held out a bowl of strawberries. L blinked, his stomach making a loud noise. Inhaling sharply, he nodded, taking the bowl with his free hand.

L fell back into a routine, using his anonymity to catch criminals and taking only the most interesting of cases. The game wasn't fun anymore. Catching criminals was so drab, even when the cases were true mysteries. He needed an opponent who could keep his mind running, someone who could make his heart pound with the prospect of the danger and excitement. Of course with time, the casts and gashes healed until they were faint scars.

To both his dismay and relief, he didn't receive any encoded messages from Taoreta... and he was ashamed to say he looked... every day... every time the computer lit up, he'd refresh the page, just to see. He didn't know what he'd do if she actually did contact him... it was something he didn't want to think about. 

But he did think about it. He always thought about her. Being with her was all he ever wanted, but now it was also something he desperately wanted to avoid. Without even knowing why, he started looking into her parents. His fingers hovered over the keyboard in uncertainty. What if he found them? Hell, what if they were alive? What would he even do with this information? Contact Taoreta? Contact them? Keep it a secret? L pulled his knees tighter below his chin, methodically nibbling on his thumb. Besides, he didn't owe anything to her. In fact, he should despise her! L sighed heavily, swirling his thumb around his mouth thoughtfully. 

He was vaguely aware of Wammy coming up behind him, glancing at him worriedly. Hate was a strong word, but Wammy hated Taoreta. For pulling L into some mess, for hurting him, for doing anything to his son. But he could also tell her absence was taking a toll on the detective. He looked much more tired, even more of a hermit than he usually was. Depressed in his own way. Wammy tenderly ruffled L's hair, much to his ward's annoyance and quirked brow.

* * *

Taoreta was a machine.

She sliced through her target's neck with her knife, her body on autopilot.

Ever since the shower, she felt empty... and the only thing she seemed to live for now was Axel's orders. So she did them. Without thinking or allowing herself to feel. Opening the gate in her mind would destroy her... and she couldn't do it... as the months passed, she began to wonder if she was even human. It didn't feel like it... after L, she was re-trained. Re-taught everything and sent through a world of crashing pain. Reed carried out most of the torture, until Axel was satisfied he had her mind under lock and key.

She knew Aiber and Wedy were avoiding her, looking at her from around corners and whispering amongst themselves. Taoreta didn't care.

Taking out her camera, she took pictures of the bloody scene for Axel, and got to work dismembering the man's limbs. By now, she was familiar with all the sinews, muscles and bones she had to cut through... and none of it bothered her.

The body landed the water, sinking down below view... never to be seen again. Did the man have a wife? Children? Possibly, but she didn't check. Sighing, she stalked towards the airport, already receiving instructions for a new jobs.

Moaning, she threw her head back, moving her hips in time with her hit's.

"You're good at this," she grunted.

Her hit smirked, burying his face into her neck. While his eyes were distracted, Taoreta reached for the nearby lamp. A bloodcurdling shriek left her throat as she bashed her new hit's brains in, her legs straddled around his waist as she pounded the lamp into the back of his head.

Spitting on the half-naked man, she paused, a shiver going up her spine. She really was a monster... no matter. Her claws were already dripping in red. Why try to wash them?

As the days passed, she lost more and more of herself into these jobs, sacrificing things like sleep and general health. But she didn't care. 

Taoreta was a machine. 

She was stepping off a long flight when her phone rang. Her eyes popped in surprise to hear L's voice-scrambler. How long had it been? 3 years? Yes... they were both 24 by now... her entire body tipped, the world taking on a strange hue. L... so many emotions from guilt to concern to confusion made her brain ache. Why was he using his scrambler? But there it was, the metallic, cold, uninterested voice. Before she could say anything, he began in a disinterested, detached voice, not giving her the opportunity to ask questions or lead the conversation. 

"Taoreta... your real name is Sakura, last name Amari, but I'm sure that's somewhere in Axel's files. I found adoption papers, probably with his strong influence, which implies unlike many of his operatives, he actually has papers and information regarding you."

Her breath caught, her eyes darting. Taoreta's... name... she shook, her grip on the phone trembling. She could hear how uneven her voice was, but struggled to keep it steady.

"How did you--"

"You're of Japanese descent, more specifically the Okinawa Prefecture. Your parents names are Yui Amari and Eiichi Amari. I presume you are capable enough to take the case from this point... I didn't go deeper than that."

Taoreta couldn't move. She couldn't think, all the sounds around her distant. Yui and Eiichi... Sakura... Sakura... she repeated the name over and over in her head. It sounded so foreign yet familiar. Her mouth was dry.

"L--"

"This is the only unfinished business between us. We're strangers now."

And like that, he hung up.

She stood in the busy airport, suddenly feeling the effects of the last few years, how dirty she felt, humiliation and shame making her heart pound. Tears stung the back of her eyes. She couldn't focus on any one thing. Sakura... Yui... Eiichi... strangers... it all swirled in a maddening confusion. Taoreta stumbled, her breathing heavy. Redialing the number only got her to a disconnected tone, telling her to call back later. Her stomach churned, threatening to upturn on her. The urge to vomit was so strong that she ran for a nearby trash can, leaning against it. 

Sakura.

Taoreta shivered, panting heavily. She could always tell Axel she was staying for one more night. After three years, he'd loosened his grip slightly. Slinging her back over her shoulder, Taoreta raced to the list of flights, her eyes settling on Tokyo. Okinawa. She was from Okinawa. She had a birthplace... the thought made her giggle nervously. The giggle made others glance at her warily, but she ignored them. Ok, she just had to find them... that shouldn't be too hard... but her phone rang and Taoreta froze. Axel.

"Taoreta, come back to headquarters tonight. There's something I need."

She scowled, but didn't say anything. Japan... she had to get to Japan... couldn't she just hang up and go? But her hand was shaking, a familiar fear rising up in the pit of her stomach.

Japan...

Japan...

Japan...

Taoreta boarded the plane for England, stubbornly swiping tears out of her eyes. She shrank in her seat, the fear making her mind spin. She hated this twisted loyalty she had, this inane need to do what he said... Taoreta trembled. She squeezed her eyes shut, leaning her head back as she listened to the sounds of the plane. As much as she didn't want to, she ended up falling asleep. Even worse, she found herself dreaming of L. A shudder passed over her. 

He was in bed with her, his ebony skin and pliant muscles rippling under his skin. She loved running her fingers through his hair, so deceptively soft. With a sigh, L kissed her neck, the feathery action making her head spin. She missed him... so much... Taoreta woke up, pressing her hands against her mouth, the guilt drowning her. She hated herself... maybe she didn't deserve to find out anything about her family. The person next to her gave her a worried expression as she gave a muffled sob.

A dirty, dangerous orphan. Less than human. Blood all over her hands.

Taoreta breathed heavily, panic clawing up her heart. 

She was nothing. She didn't deserve a family or a lover or friends.

Taoreta steeled her jaw. It was okay... once she reported to Axel, she'd find the opportunity to search for her parents. A sad smile crossed her face.

Yui and Eiichi Amari.

Sakura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's it for the time-skips, everything going forward is going to be in a much smaller timeframe. Feedback? Always welcome :)


	10. Survival

"Taoreta!"

She was on her way to Axel's office. Behind her, Aiber jogged up, blue eyes filled with concern. Taoreta glanced at him, her own green eyes frigid. There had been a growing rift between the three of them, but that's what she wanted. Even though Aiber and Wedy had been trying to reach out to her, she figured the best she could do was keep them away from her. For the most part, they'd kept their dignity... their souls... 

"What do you want?" She snapped tiredly.

Taoreta needed a drink. More than anything. She still wasn't sure if she was going to find an excuse to go to Japan or not... she... she just needed a drink. Aiber stopped in front of her, towering and making her feel small. He'd always been a beast of a man, but she never felt in danger around him... if anything, he was one of the only good things about this place.

"Taoreta... Wedy and I have been talking..."

She stared at him, her gaze hard. He shifted uncomfortably under it, watching her pleadingly. Begging for her to just give him a little bit of her time. Her eyes darted in the direction of Axel's office and sighed. What was another minute?

"Okay? And?"

He leaned down, his breath cooling her ear.

"We're going to run away."

Taoreta started, her eyes wide as she stared at him. Run away? The thought felt so impossible. Even if one were to desert their job in some other country, Axel was so omni-present all over the world. Where could they possibly plan to go? At her questioning expression, Aiber gave a lopsided grin.

"Wedy's the best at getting around security systems. She's going to figure out the places we can go without tripping any of Axel's operatives or alarms... come with us..."

Her eyes teared. Leave? Taoreta's body trembled. Impossible. It was so impossible. No matter where she went... Axel would find her. He'd have Reed hurt her. The trembling evolved to full-on shaking until her thoughts were scrambled, unable to comprehend such a thing. Aiber's eyes softened as he gently touched her shoulder. Taoreta leaned into the grip, looking up at his face. The same face that had done his damndest to protect her over the years... her big brother...

"I can't," she choked, "they'll hurt me."

Aiber's face twisted in sympathy. He gently touched the side of her face, forcing her to meet his eyes. 

"Taoreta, please. This life... it's not good for you. Wedy and I... we've noticed you're changing. You're hardening and becoming cold and we're... we're scared for you... I can't say if we'll succeed... but we have to try."

Scared for her...? Taoreta's eyes went glassy. Aiber glanced around before pulling her into a tight hug, smelling of wine and strong cologne. It was a warm embrace, begging her to say yes. Taoreta's eyes went to the end of the hallway to see Wedy keeping watch, scanning for anyone coming by. Their eyes met and she smiled kindly, an expression that made Taoreta's chest pound. 

"We can be a family. A real one," Aiber whispered.

A real family...

No, but... she couldn't get away from Axel...

Everything was crashing and colliding together all at once.

Japan... L... and now this? It felt like her brain might explode. The expression on Aiber's face made her chest quiver. Something in her mind. The dirtiness she constantly felt... fuck, she was sick of it. Taoreta was sick of being Axel's lackey. She'd done terrible, horrifying things for the man, hurt people she cared about, had lived her entire life not questioning and too scared to go against him.

"I'd like that," she heard herself murmuring. 

Aiber nodded, exhaling in relief. She swallowed the lump in her throat, her mind wandering to L. No. They were strangers now... she couldn't contact him... it wasn't fair to him... Aiber cleared his throat, eyes flickering over his watch. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she motioned to the hallway.

"Can you tell Wedy to start packing my things? Axel's expecting me..."

His face flashed in concern, but he bobbed his head. Walking slowly to Wedy, he leaned into her ear. She chewed her lip thoughtfully, moving her head forward as she began walking calmly but with purpose back to the dorms. A sweat broke out on Taoreta's brow. Was she really doing this? She blinked, a strange resolve building in her chest. This wasn't for her, Taoreta. This was for her, Sakura. The little girl she could've been. A good person.

Holding her breath, she continued into Axel's office. The office itself always intimidated her. Unlike the rest of the compound that had concrete walls and dim lights, his office was lavishly furnished, large animal heads mounted on his walls and immaculate sculptures staring down at her. She froze, watching in a stunned confusion as Axel paced in his office, his eyes wild. Leaning against the desk was Reed. Taoreta's eyes narrowed, expecting to feel the familiar sense of hatred and fear, but meeting Reed's eyes... he looked as scared and confused as her. One might even mistake it for human emotion... he was watching Axel with rapt attention, shrinking whenever the older man would pace by him. Taoreta's fingers tingled, her tongue too heavy to bring the man's attention to her. He looked raving... terrified...

He seemed to notice Taoreta for the first time, his breathing uneven as he rushed up to her. A scream caught in her mouth, but he didn't hurt her, instead firmly holding her shoulders.

"Taoreta... you need to take a message to Etienne in Paris. Tell him Code Hemlock. I repeat, Code Hemlock. It's not safe over the phones."

She stared at him, not sure what to do. Roughly letting her go, Axel sank into his chair. Reed looked on worriedly, his face tilted as he glanced between the two of them.

"What's Code Hem--"

"None of your concern," Axel snapped. 

Both of them watched him. The fight seemed to drain out of him though as he ran a withered hand over his face, letting out a shuddered breath.

"There's been a rumor going around the underground... it hasn't been proven yet, but... I can't take any chances. Hemlock calls for Etienne to go underground, to have his entire sect disappear as if they were never there... Reed, I brought you here because I've arranged to make you my official second-in-command successor. Code Hemlock goes both ways... prepare the orphans. We're leaving tonight."

Reed was sent into a stunned silence, as was Taoreta. She shivered, thinking about Reed as the second-in-command, but she didn't argue to speak up. Her eyes widened slowly in realization. Excitement rushed up her brain. The entire compound would be busy... and now she was _supposed_ to be going to France... hm, she and Wedy had always theorized that Aiber looked French. She bowed quickly, already starting to step away.

"I'll go get my travel bag," she rumbled, walking briskly out of the office.

* * *

"This is our chance. We can go to France together and disappear from there. All of Axel's operatives will be in hiding."

Wedy and Aiber gaped, watching her incredulously.

"I see... we should still warn Etienne, though. If anything happens because the code wasn't delivered, Axel _will_ hunt us down," Wedy warned.

Taoreta's breathing was heavy. Her muscles twitched in anticipation, but she couldn't allow herself to lose her composure. Wedy had already finished packing Taoreta's meager belongings, light enough to fit on her back... her entire life... It wasn't like Axel gave them a salary... whatever they could call theirs had either been stolen, bought with stolen money, or given by Axel. Wedy paused, her fingers brushing Taoreta's wrist. They looked at each other, a myriad of silent things passing between them.

They had just stepped outside the dorms when they were washed in red, loud alarms blaring in their ears. Their eyes popped as they froze, looking at each other in terror. It was so loud, drowning out all of Taoreta's thoughts. Reed's voice came on the speakers, cold and detached, a taunting tone behind his words. Taoreta whimpered, pressing against her siblings as he spoke.

"Children of Axel, I regret to inform you that Father is dead... as second-in-command, I'm in charge, now."

Reed... Reed killed Axel? He must've... Taoreta's mind swirled, all her worst fears coming to the front of her mind. Wedy gasped, her grip on Taoreta's hand tightening until she was squeezing. Aiber's face set in determination.

"We have to go," he yelled above the blaring alarm, not caring anymore if anyone heard. He placed a hand on each of the small of their backs, his eyes sparking protectively, "we have to get the two of you out."

Taoreta and Wedy knew what he was talking about. As evil as Axel was, he didn't force the women in his care into prostitution. After all, they were supposed to be the cream of the crop. Assets too useful and special to be put in that kind of situation. He had spent way too many resources on training and preparing for them to simply be sex machines. Why prostitute dangerous weapons when they could be out in the world killing and doing dirty work for you?

Reed on the other hand... Taoreta's mind flashed to all the predatory grins, the glint in his eye as he scanned her body... not being subtle in the slightest. Knowing Reed, he might not even prostitute her... he might just keep her for himself. Images of him standing over her with his whip and knives, clearly enjoying every second of her torture made Taoreta's stomach turn violently. The memories threatened to incapacitate her, until that need for a drink was almost consuming, but she had to focus. 

This had become more than just wanting to leave. 

This was about survival now.


	11. Running

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: non-con kiss

Screaming. Loud, bloodcurdling screaming from boys and girls, some sounding so young. The three of them ran, their hands linked as they tore through the halls, ducking into doorways whenever Reed's people passed by. They heard Lily and Cal yell, challenging Reed for leadership, but a few gunshots later and Taoreta didn't hear them yelling anymore. She wanted to curl up, but she knew that was impossible. 

They had to keep moving. 

A scream ripped from Wedy's throat as she crumpled, a knife lodged into her leg. Aiber gasped, rushing to help and yelped, just missing a knife directed at him. Taoreta whirled to see Reed, a lazy smile gracing his features. Wedy tried standing, but struggled, letting out a cry of pain. Aiber quickly hooked one of her arms around his shoulder, supporting her. His eyes met Taoreta's, blue irises somehow both cold and warm at the same time. Time felt so slow, like Taoreta was watching a movie.

"Run!" Aiber snarled, dropping Wedy and charging Reed. 

Taoreta started to go for her, but Wedy stubbornly shook her head.

"I'll be fine! Go!"

Her face said it all. Wedy knew how Reed felt about Taoreta. Taoreta hesitated, but she couldn't stop for long. Her feet pounded the corridors, her mind spinning. She could smell blood, her pulse roaring in her ears. Taoreta skidded, turning a different way when she realized the exit was being blocked off by guards. Her mind was so frazzled, but she tried to concentrate. The kitchen! There was a window there! The closest one.

She tore in that direction, trying to ignore the children crying out. The adults taking care of them were yelling just as loudly, the sounds of gurgling blood echoing. Taoreta dove towards the kitchen, her eyes darting. Grabbing a cart with wheels, she pushed it for the high window. It was large and heavy, making her muscles strain. She'd just managed to position it and was clamoring on when a hand grabbed the back of her shirt. She yelped, whipping around to come face to face with Reed... his large ugly mouth twisting into a dangerous grin...

"I knew a rat such as yourself would try to escape," he purred, still clutching to the fabric.

Taoreta steeled her jaw, staring at him straight-on. He reached a hand, gently stroking her jaw, leaning in. She tried to move, but her back was pressed against the cart. His knee rubbed up against her and she shivered, fighting to keep tears away. Reed was too strong... there's was no way to get out of his grip.

"You've always been very beautiful... I wonder what that pretty mouth would look like me fucking it."

Fear ran through her body as she shook her head, whimpering. Reed smirked, pulling her in for a kiss. She recoiled, trying to keep her mouth clamped, but his tongue speared her lips, forcing her mouth to open. Tears forced themselves down thee bridge of her nose. Taoreta gripped the cart, her heart pounding as his lips started moving to her neck. Her fingers found the hilt of a ladle, tucked inside the cart.

Roaring, she smashed it across his temple.

Reed howled, stumbling back. Taoreta leapt for the window, her nimble body able to pull her out completely in an airless way Reed couldn't. She gasped as she rolled out, tumbling over rocks and landing on pavement. Her palms and knees stung, but it was all distant. Taoreta was up in an instant, racing down the road. All around her, she could hear police sirens in the distance as she tore through the English countryside.

She didn't stop running. Even when her legs were aching and begging her to take a break, she didn't stop. The darkness shrouded her, made her feel some kind of inkling of safety. Taoreta's feet slapped the pavement, her breathing becoming panting. Fear numbed her mind and she trembled, unable to process any thought. All she could think about was keeping her legs in motion. 

By the time she collapsed, she wasn't sure how long she'd been running. 4 hours? 5? She leaned back, her vision swimming. Forcing herself to calm down, she looked down both ends of the road. No one was following... but her mind was still locked in survival-mode, her eyes wide with primal terror. Taoreta's eyes traveled to her palms and knees, scratched up. The bleeding had stopped, but the cuts were dirty and still burned. 

Taoreta struggled to her feet, rubbing her arms to keep herself warm. Wedy... Aiber... her eyes misted as she leaned against a tree, a sob escaping. Wedy had been hurt... and she ran... like a coward. Now who knew if they were alive?

Her body went on auto-pilot as she walked, her eyes glazed over as thoughts of L swirled in her brain. 

His low and mesmerizing voice. The warm hugs he could give and equally as warm kisses, tender yet quiet.

Oh, God she missed him. She choked, a lump swelling her throat. Taoreta let out a low cry, shaking her head.

"L," she moaned, staggering on her painful knees.

But he was just a stranger now. She must've been walking for an extra two hours, simply stumbling her way through the dark. Her body had gone into auto-pilot and took her to Wammy's. She tripped into the orphanage's garden, pausing to look around. She hadn't been here since she was a kid... so long ago that the memories were fuzzy in her mind. Taoreta made her way to the old tree near L's window, still standing tall. Everything felt hollow and empty, her stomach aching for food and her mind screaming for rest.

She tumbled into his room in a daze, grunting as she tried to push herself to her feet. But she just lay there.

"L?" She croaked, her throat dry.

When there was no response, she curled up in the corner of the room, picking at her cuts... and allowed the tears to flow freely.

* * *

L came back from the concert, mumbling about how loud it had been. At this time, most of the kids were sleeping. Wammy bade him goodnight as he watched his ward climb the stairs to his room. Before L had even opened the door, he sensed a presence. He faltered, his fingers wrapping around a nearby lamp. Holding his breath, he swung it open...

Taoreta was huddled in the corner, her face pressed against the wall and sleeping. L froze, different emotions battling in his mind. It had been years since he'd seen her... L's heart twisted, wanting to reach out, but he held himself back. He was supposed to hate her... what was she doing in his room? She looked so serene... her features set as her chest rose and fell gently. L blinked, realizing he'd been staring. Clearing his throat, he crouched beside her, poking her forehead. Taoreta moaned twisting her neck so her face was inches from his. A pristine and sleepy smile crossed her features as she stared at him.

"Hey, L... **OH MY GOD, L**!"

She was up in an instant, sitting forward so quickly she rammed her forehead into L's. They fell back with a cry, L rubbing the spot with pursed lips.

"I see you're not done causing me physical pain," he growled bitterly.

Taoreta winced, looking around as if realizing for the first time where she was.

"How did I..."

"You don't remember how you broke into my room?" He asked calmly with a biting undertone. 

Her face went a bright red. 

"I... I am so sorry! I'll just, um... I'll head out."

L glowered, trying to silence the piece of his mind that didn't want her to go.

"Were you drinking?"

"Wha-? No... something... Axel's dead."

He straightened, his grey eyes huge. His thumb went to his lips pensively.

"I see... what are you doing here?"

Heat rose through her neck. Taoreta quickly adverted her eyes, shame making her fingers shake.

"No reason... I'm leaving, anyway. Sorry to bother you."

She hissed as she got onto her feet, her knees screaming. L's eyes popped and he quickly grasped her arm. They stared at each other for what felt like the longest time. L knew he should be letting her go... but he also wanted her to stay... he surrendered with a sigh, the truth making him feel sick. He couldn't just let her go. No matter how hard he tried, she dominated his thoughts and made concentration almost impossible. He motioned towards the edge of the bed.

"Sit down. You need to clean those cuts."

Taoreta didn't say anything as he retreated, moving silently. Did he really mean that? No... he was just trying to be polite... but Taoreta didn't argue when he came back with an entire basket of peroxide, bandaids, swabs, antibiotics, a well-wrapped sandwich and water bottle.

She stared in disbelief as he pressed the sandwich and water into her hands, bending to tend to the wounds. Taoreta twisted the sandwich in her fingers, shaking her head.

"I don't deserve this."

"You're right, you don't," he mused, but paused, the swab hovering over her knee, "and yet you're getting them. So I suggest you accept it."

Taoreta swallowed. Her throat was dry... sipping the water, she sighed reverently. It was euphoric. L finished pressing the large bandages against her skin, hopping back to examine his work. He bobbed his head towards her hands.

"Palms. Don't think I didn't notice those."

She sheepishly put the food down next to her, extending her hands. Taoreta watched in fascination as he cleaned and covered them, her fingers dragging along hers for a second. Finally, he nodded, satisfied.

"Are you going to tell me what happened to Axel? To you? In general?"

"Do you want to know?"

L's eyes flickered over her face, examining and analyzing. Rolling his eyes, he perched on the bed next to her, stealing a corner of the sandwich and stuffing it into his mouth. It wasn't sweet, so his face twisted in disgust, earning a light giggle from Taoreta. For just a moment, his lips tugged up, his eyes sparkling but it quickly died down.

"I suppose not... you can rest here for the night... I want you gone in the morning."

Taoreta stared at him, and L could feel his face flushing. He shrank against her gaze until he forced his eyes to meet hers, an insane urge to kiss her overwhelming his senses.

"Just when I think I might be able to forget about you," he murmured regretfully.

She blinked, her eyes misting.

"L, I'm so--"

"Sorry?" He spat, grey eyes becoming stormy, "Is that what you wish to do? Apologize?"

Taoreta faltered, her brow setting in a new determination.

"No. I don't want your forgiveness... I know I'll never get it... but fuck, L, I'm sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me, but at least listen."

L bit down on his thumb, watching her intently. Taoreta tensed, the clock ticking agonizingly slowly.

"Well?" He prodded, "I'm listening."

Her tongue felt heavy. How many times had she practiced this conversation in her head? Imagined him sitting so close? She was holding her breath as she pressed her lips against his. L's eyes widened in surprise, his mind blanking as he tried to process the rush and shock the kiss was sending to his brain. He didn't move at first, his entire body locking. The memories of having sex with her, thrusting into her warm and wet heat had been ingrained. It was like a chain in his mind, linking him to her. He couldn't escape no matter what. 

Taoreta was fully prepared for him to reject the kiss. To do that thing where he'd be quiet and lumber away, or shoot her down by saying something like 'I'll check on you in the morning'. 

But L's mouth opened, hungrily inviting her tongue. 


	12. Say Something

The kiss felt hot. It brought a knot of pleasure into her core, making Taoreta shiver. L was an enigma. His body had always been so cold and simultaneously warm and it always blew her mind. His tongue ran through her mouth, his teeth grazing her lips and consuming her. That was the best way to describe the kiss. A desperate, consuming plea. Pulling away slowly, she gazed at him. His pupils were dilated, but she could also sense apprehension and fear. Sighing, she rubbed her hands wrung her sleeves.

"Thank you, she murmured.

He grunted in response, crossing his arms. The silence was deafening. Taoreta quickly gathered herself, hanging her head.

"I have to leave, and this time... I don't know when I'm coming back."

L's lips tightened. _Figures_.

L tried desperately not to show any emotion. But the thought of being left alone again made him want to shrivel. Indefinitely? He wanted her to stay... no matter how much she terrified him. Panic and reason battled in his mind. Why did he want her to stay so badly? Being with her _hurt_ , both physically and mentally. His mouth was dry as she inhaled slowly, moving for the window.

As she passed him, L grasped her wrist, surprised by his own actions. Pulling her towards him, he captured her lips. They tasted like cinnamon rolling on his tongue. Taoreta straightened, parting her mouth as she melted. L's breathing went quick, throwing his tongue into her mouth, running over her teeth and cheeks. She was his need, a deepest desire that would crush him. Taoreta moaned into the kiss, sending L shuddering.

He needed her. He didn't forgive her, but he needed her.

L ran his fingers through her hair, tilting his head as she settled on his lap. Taoreta ground against his still-clothed member. L's eyes lidded in lust. He pressed her against the bed until they were flat, Taoreta's hair plastered around her face. He could feel her heart fluttering against her ribcage, the rapid expanding and contracting of her lungs. His fingers danced over her body and she gasped, head tilted to the ceiling, exposing her neck. L attached his lips, sucking and nipping at the soft skin until she was whimpering. 

He'd do anything for her.

L's hand rode up her shirt, ghosting over her breasts and pressed against her heart. He loved the feeling of it pulsing against his palm. Taoreta stretched languidly, her skin and bones pliant under his touch. L's fingers trembled as they pulled down her pants and underwear, him kneeling over her, hesitating. He watched her, cursing himself. Hating himself. How could he allow himself to be so vulnerable around her? Taoreta went against all logic. She was everything he admired and despised, all tightly packed into one confusing, chaotic person.

She was his world, but he didn't want to admit it.

His tongue speared her throbbing clit. Taoreta gasped, bucking her hips. It felt incredible. The tongue that could tie cherry knots was methodically working along her walls, darting and curling expertly. She threw her head back against the pillow, rocking her hips anxiously. Before he could bring her too close to the edge, he crawled up, kissing her lips again. She could taste herself on his tongue, and it made her shiver. Taoreta slid down, swirling her tongue around the tip of his member. His threw his head back, holding onto the back of her head for support, his fingers tense against her hair.

He was still holding back, his eyes guarded as she looked at him. Taoreta's eyes narrowed. She hollowed out her cheeks, sending him deeper into her throat. L made a strangled sound. He missed the feeling, her throat contracting and sucking on his penis. His breathing was hitched, the pleasure bordering on pain with the need to thrust. Her tongue dragged up his shaft and he curled, his nails digging into her scalp. There it was. Taoreta could see it in those big eyes. The second L lost his restraint and needed her. Growling, his hips pushed himself as deep as he could before she was on the verge of gagging. 

They knew all the right things to do to each other. Taoreta knew every inch of L's skin, the small spots her tongue could dart across and elicit a moan. He kissed her throat, her windpipe bobbing excitedly. A sigh of bliss escaped as he turned her over, smoothing his fingers around her curves. Those curves that he could get lost tracing. His fingers ghosted over her beauty marks, the natural lines on her skin. Each touch sent Taoreta grinding forward, mewling pleadingly. With a husky groan, he entered her, claiming her.

Taoreta yelped, clawing at the bed sheets. He didn't move, feeling her walls contract and expand around him. L's eyes glazed over as he felt it, the heat mixed with own throbbing making his heart pound loudly. He moved slowly at first. They rocked together until he was completely fast and hard, the sound of skin slapping skin filling the air. Taoreta panted, letting out a sound of pleasure. He sank his teeth into her shoulder until he could taste the faint tang of blood. One hand gripped her hips, digging in until he was sure she'd bruise. His other snaked around, rubbing her clit to her clipped moans.

He wanted to see her _soul._ The ball of truth hidden behind all the lies and deceit.

"O-oh, God, L," she breathed, her voice strained.

The bed creaked wildly. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her close to his body. Their sweat mixed, and L loved the feeling. Her breasts bounced against his arms as he thrusted, grunting. L buried his face in her hair, holding onto her hips fully now. With one harsh thrust, Taoreta stretched, her mouth falling open in pure pleasure, static in her mind. He froze, wheezing before he pushed in one last time, so deep Taoreta thought she might split apart. He ground as he let out an animalistic sound, releasing into her heat. Their juices mixed, a chaotic, beautiful feeling. L paused, trying to calm his heart.

Pulling out, he settled on his side, watching her in both hatred and devotion. She twisted so she was facing him, her face scared.

"Why?," she whispered, sliding closer.

L wrapped his arms around her as she nuzzled her face against his chest. All he could see was her wild hair, and he stroked it gently. It was so soft... he nipped her ear, the flesh rubbing between his teeth. A part of him kept wanting to fuck her senseless. L's crotch throbbed with anticipation. But he pulled her tight against him, running his hands over her skin. He drew circles with his fingers, his eyes going distant as he stared at her mess of tangles. Taoreta shivered.

"I'm so sorry," she whimpered.

She met his face and his breath caught. Her eyes... were hollow... completely devoid of all the exploring, excitability that had made her... Taoreta... she seemed so tired as she stared at him... his lip quivered. Why had they slept together? Not for love or some deeper connection, right? Was it really just to make the pain go away? She buried her face back out of view in his chest.

"I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to see me executed," she sighed, "A... a part of me wants that too..."

L simply stared at the ceiling. It was a harrowing thought, one that he was terrified to indulge.

"But I need you to know I love you," she mumbled.

He didn't respond, his mind torn. How could he possibly believe anything she said? Especially something so... personal... after how she hurt him... after everything that had happened... he felt a lump in his throat, but forced himself to swallow it. Everything was so confusing. They could never be together... even now, a part of him was filled with fear, a dark corner of his brain screaming that she'd try to hurt or kill him in his sleep. Images of him waking up and seeing her with her hands wrapped around his throat almost made him whimper.

Was this love? This feeling of needing her? That he'd die if he lost her? That she was a part of him?... no matter how dark... he glanced at her hair, wishing he could see her face, know if this was a rouse or not. Those eyes... they didn't look like a trick... but... his breathing threatened to turn to hyperventilation.

"I know what you're going to say," she whispered into his skin, "but I'm going to ask anyway... Axel's dead and I. can't stay for Reed... do you... do you want to come with me? We could be together... forget everything that happened..."

L bit his lip, fear taking over. He couldn't say it. His body trembled, _wanting_ too. Dear God, he'd love to drop everything and just run away with her. The title of greatest detective in the world? Meaningless... He squeezed his eyes shut, his heart pounding so loudly it was drowning out his other thoughts. _Say yes, say no... **fuck**! Say **something**_! But his mouth felt like it was locked, that same fear worming up his mind. 

At his silence, she sagged slightly. He stiffened when he felt what he was sure was a tear sliding onto his chest. But she didn't address it or say anything. There was an unspoken tension between them as she fell asleep, tucked in his body heat. He lay there, feeling her gentle breathing. A part of him knew she did what she thought was her only choice... but he still felt betrayed. Against his will, L's eyes misted.

"You're always welcome here," he admitted quietly, more to himself than her.

Maybe with time, he could learn to trust her? Maybe she'd actually stay in the morning and that spark of life would come back in her eyes?

The thought brought a small smile to his lips as he settled, her mouth pressed into his chest.


	13. Love

"Ryuzaki, what were you doing out there?" Light chuckled, "we're absolutely soaked."

L didn't respond at first, dragging the towel down Light's feet.

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

He'd stood out there in the rain, just allowing his memories to come. He didn't care that it was cold, or that the rain got in his eyes. L just wanted to remember. Light looked at him questioningly until the detective sighed.

"Someone I loved."

" _Oh_ ," the teen's face brightened with a playful taunt, "you love someone?"

He felt L's grip on his foot tighten. Light blinked. A struck nerve?

"Loved," he gently corrected.

"...oh. What happened?"

L's mouth felt dry. Light noticed the detective stopping his motions, just holding his foot silently. Light bit his lip.

"What... what was she like?"

L's face flickered. The detective's gaze went distant, his grip on Light's foot still tight, "complicated..."

He stood from Light's feet, turning away. Looking at Kira would only reveal all the turbulent emotions racing through his brain.

"It doesn't matter... it looks like it's all worked out in the end, anyway."

* * *

His chin was nuzzling her hair. The sunlight hitting his eyelids woke him as he looked at Taoreta sleeping serenely, curled up against him, nestled in his arms. His mind was still sleepy, basking in both the afterglow and the fact she was still there, with him... a strange feeling of happiness settled over him as he smiled, his mind already wandering to coffee.

"I'm making coffee... you want some?" He mumbled, yawning.

He kissed her forehead... and froze... Her skin felt cold. It was such a subtle change, but warning signs flashed in his brain. He was instantly awake.

"T?" He called gently.

When she didn't respond, a wave of panic washed over him.

"Taoreta," he said, a little more forcefully.

His hands trembled as he pushed her onto her back. Her eyes were still closed, looking as if she was just sleeping. But her lips were blue, her skin slightly purple. L sat up quickly, heart racing. He looked around, lost, confused, just like the night his parents died. Tears welled up in the back of his eyes as he gingerly touched her arm. It was waxy...

"Taoreta," he hated the tremble in his voice, "T, this isn't funny."

No response.

He didn't want to feel for her pulse. As if not confirming somehow meant she was still alive. But... he did... he forced himself too... and just as he expected, her cold skin was silent. _Wha... how... I-I don't understand._.. L's vision swam.

It felt like he was going to be sick. L heaved, turning away from Taoreta's body. His own shivered as vomit spread across the floor. He wished it tasted acidic, burned his throat, but it all tasted so horribly sweet. He practically fell off the bed, hyperventilation taking over. L couldn't focus on anything. It felt like he might collapse at any moment. Trying to stand was a mistake. He crumpled to the floor, curling up on the soft rug.

A scream finally ripped out of his throat.

He heard footsteps, but they sounded distant.

Watari found him like that, naked...sobbing and shaking on the floor, his eyes wide in shock. The older man's eyes moved to the body on the bed, her face turned towards the ceiling. _Oh, no_...

Gasping, he shut the door to stop any of the children from seeing. Watari grabbed a spare sheet from the chair. He draped it over L, sliding to a sit and scooping the detective in his arms, gently cradling. L didn't respond to being held. He actually convulsed in the older man's grip, shaking his head stubbornly. Watari pushed sweat-soaked hair out of the boy's face, pressing L's head into his chest.

L released a strangled sound, choking for air.

"I'm here, you're safe," Watari mumbled the mantra.

L pitched forward, burying his face in Watari's jacket. Watari tried not to shake himself, opting to let L completely breakdown, drool dripping from his mouth as cries racked his body. The detective gasped, clawing at his throat. Watari softly held onto his wrists, clammy with fear. He sighed heavily, turning L away from the sight.

Roger and a group of paramedics came. L snarled, trying to stop them from taking her body. She wasn't gone! Everything was fine! Why were they acting like it wasn't? Watari lovingly but firmly held him in his lap, tightening his arms around L's chest.

"Let me go! You can't take her! _I love her_!" L shouted in a panic.

The words tumbled out, sucking the air out his lungs. L gasped, his gut twisting painfully. He looked at Watari, his eyes pleading. The older man met his face, his lines deeper.

"You can't let them take her," L whimpered, shaking his head, "I didn't get to tell her I love her. I-it's not fair... I love her!... I love her..."

He went quiet in Watari's arms, the words repeating in his mind. Why didn't he tell her he loved her? Watari's chest seized as he practically saw the life drain from L's eyes and go hollow.

"I'm so sorry, L," Watari whispered, holding the orphan...

"It was a heart attack," the coroner began. L felt numb, just stood there nodding, "unfortunately, many heart attacks, especially in women, are asymptomatic. That means they don't experience the same intense chest pain that men often do... I'd say she passed around 7 am."

That made L start. He'd woken up around 8... so if he'd just waken up an hour earlier...

"Thank you," he said coldly.

The coroner nodded.

"Is there anyone we can call? Next of kin?"

"We're her siblings."

L's eyes shifted to a man and a woman supported on crutches standing in their doorway, their faces grave. He blinked, slowly stepping to the side as they made their way next to Taoreta, the woman covering her mouth. The man glanced at L, his cold blue eyes welled and glassy.

"She cared a lot about you," he murmured, running a hand tiredly through his hair, "a heart attack... it doesn't seem real."

He laughed sadly, gently tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. L just stood silently, shrinking in on himself. The coroner asked what they wanted to do with the body, but the woman choked, shaking her head as she limped out, her body shaking. The man watched after her, lightly combing Taoreta's hair. When he met L's eyes, L could see the sorrow painted clear.

"I like to think I knew her," he smiled wryly, but it didn't reach his eyes, "I always cared about her... but I didn't know her. She kept so many things secret from me... what do you think?"

L's throat was dry. He avoided the man's eyes. This man thought _he_ would know what Taoreta would want? L's eyes widened with images of setting her free. He despised the crack in his voice.

"Cremation."

As he got in the car, Watari glanced at him from the rearview mirror.

"L, if you want to-"

"Drive."

Watari hesitated, looking at him again. L had brought his knees beneath his chin and was staring out the window.

"We just got the report... Between the hours of 8:00 pm and 9:00 am, Axel Greshaw and about two hundred of his operatives were found dead from heart attacks. All the people under his care who died were people who were officially adopted, with papers and potentially accessible information... I never thought Axel would go this way... he was once my best friend..."

L rubbed his lip, letting the information sink in. So this had been a coordinated attack.

"Run a full background check on the other victims and cross-reference them with their crimes. See if any locations or prison sentences overlap."

The way he said it was so cold and detached. Watari's eyes flickered worriedly, his sigh begging.

"Please don't repre-"

"Drive," L said a little more forcefully, "... oh, and Watari?"

Watari glanced at him. He'd never expected to love the orphan so much. Seeing his eyes dead, his stance tense as if anything might hurt him. The older man waited patiently. L chewed on his thumb thoughtfully, his eyes settling into a terrifying conviction. They were the detective eyes that flashed towards Watari.

"Contact the Interpol. I'm looking into these Kira rumors."

* * *

When L realized Kira could give heart attacks so easily, so flippantly, he was stunned. He stared at the screen, his voice coming out more stuttered and surprised than he meant it to be. Kira... an anger surged up his stomach, clouding his mind. Taoreta...

"Let's meet again soon... Kira."

As L hung up, he felt Watari's presence behind him. He glanced to see the older man sighing heavily.

"We, um... we found her parents."

L's chest felt tight. But he nodded, his eyes steeling. He asked Watari to keep his distance... he didn't want to break down again like that... not in front of Watari.

Huh. So she had been an orphan... the thought was somehow both tragic and comforting. L crouched in front of her parents' graves. There was no family. Just two people who had unwittingly left their daughter behind. L stared at the cracked and faded stones, his heart pounding loudly in his ears. In his hands were Taoreta's remains, sealed in a smooth metallic jar. He looked at the jar consciously, not sure why he was suddenly so nervous.

"Hello... I suppose this isn't how you wanted to meet your daughter's boyfriend..."

He smiled at his comments, but he could feel his eyes straining, tears fighting to escape. L quickly covered his mouth, biting down on his thumb to distract his mind. His fingers shook as he ran them over the worn graves. He shocked himself with how raspy his voice was, a low croak that made him sound small.

"I just wanted you to know..." His throat closed on him, the words trapped as his grip on Taoreta's jar tightened, "I know you left her when she was pretty young, and... I want you to know s-she was loved..." L's eyes misted. He stayed still in his crouch, allowing the wave to rock through him, trying to anchor himself to his body. "I never told her, and there were times when I thought I ha... I hat... but I always loved her... and I'm sorry I couldn't save her."

The graves stood tall, both accusing and reassuring. L shuddered, gently opening Taoreta's jar.

"She always wanted to meet you," he admitted quietly, his voice uncomfortably shaky, "she never knew either of you, but I can tell you she loved you both _so_ much..."

A part of him resisted spreading her ashes among their mounds, but he steadied himself.

"I've never believed in an afterlife... but I hope you get to meet her. She was unforgettable."

He watched as the person he grew up with settled into the dirt, on top of both her parents.

* * *

Light's lips were curled above him, the **Data Deletion** washing his eyes in red. The pain was twisting L's chest, squeezing it so he saw stars. Oh, God... he'd failed... he set out to catch Taoreta's killer, and he'd failed... a mix of sorrow and anguish filled his stomach. _I'm so sorry, T_... His eye shifted slightly to Light's left... and he saw her.

She stood silently, a blue aura around her, those bright mischievous eyes twinkling. He sucked in a breath, awe-struck by how beautiful she was... Taoreta glided to his side, her lips moving wordlessly, but he understood.

 _"It's okay. You can let go. Near and Mello can handle this... come be with me_."

Be with her.

It's all he'd ever wanted since before he could remember. Was she just a hallucination? His mind reaching out for a friendly face? _Probably_. Despite himself, he found his face breaking into a loving smile as she lightly stroked his hair. He'd missed those fingers on his scalp, firm yet comforting.

All at once, the world seemed to stop moving. Was he standing? He couldn't tell. His legs were so wobbly, and his head was airy. L pinwheeled his arms, but she gently gripped his hand, her face breaking out into a small grin. L trembled, realizing how much he'd missed being so close to her. He could _feel_ her breath on his lips, warm and welcoming.

" _Is this real?_ " He breathed.

It was strange. Her mouth made no noise, yet he could hear her tone and volume exactly. Her eyes sparkled as she slid a hand up his jaw and he shuddered, leaning into her touch.

" _What do you think_?" She whispered. 

Holding his breath, he pressed his lips against hers. They felt real... even if they weren't... L decided for him, they would be. They were fresh, no lingering taste of alcohol. Taoreta smiled. It was such a simple act, but it sent his chest constricting... or maybe that still was just his body on the floor... he couldn't tell. Holding her wrists tenderly, his eyes misted, his words tumbling out.

" _I-I forgive you... I'm so sorry_ , _I love you, T. I love you so much and I was too scared to admit it, and I never told you and I--"_ he inhaled sharply when she cupped his face, and he nuzzled into her grip, " _I love you_... _Sakura._ "

He said it earnestly, watching her face. Her eyes flickered, her fingers fiddling with his soft locks. Gratitude shone in her irises as the name settled over her. She closed her eyes and he could see her mind accepting it. She was Sakura.

" _I love you too_ ," she murmured, this time kissing him. 

If he wasn't feeling lightheaded before, he definitely was now. L swayed on his feet, pulling her into his heat, the kiss making him shiver. Taoreta looked up at him, grinning cryptically, her eyes dancing.

" _Don't think this means you've caught me_ ," she purred teasingly.

His brow quirked and she took a step back, her blue aura contrasting with the red from the screens. It was a beautiful sight, her mischievous smile twitching, her fingers drumming playfully. L took a step towards her, a smirk working its way up his lips.

" _Can't catch me_!" She squealed, racing down and into the hallway, her hair bobbing.

L's feet moved without him. His face broke out into a smile as he ran, the wind kissing his face. He skidded, their laughter bouncing off the metallic walls until everything was blurry but warm, the laughter echoing. 

Light stared down at him. Confusion raced through his mind as the detective's lips went up, his eyes sparking in a second of joy. Had he ever seen the man genuinely happy?

"I love you, Sakura," he whispered.

It was so faint, so soft Light almost missed it. But just like that, his greatest rival was gone, staring at the space next to him. Light faltered. Sakura? The woman? A person L actually loved? He sighed. Whatever. The detective was gone and Light would have to slip back into his part.

"Ryuzaki!" He yelled, shaking L.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone out there, readers, kudos-leavers, bookmarks, I loved writing this story and even though I knew from the beginning that Taoreta would die, I fell in love with the character and was happy to share her... so thank you!


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